Oct 23: Dark Shadows

"An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection."

Directed by: Tim Burton, Rated: PG-13, 113 minutes

I have stated before that Johnny Depp needs to end his marriage to Tim Burton and move past the strange and the weird. The man is talented, yes, but his "wife" continually makes him dress up in horrible costumes and even worse makeup for films that have the slightest bit of darkness surrounding them. Oh, you know what would go well with that (insert TV show, movie, cartoon) remake, Mr. Burton? A side of Johnny Depp. Hell, while you're at it, throw in your other wife, Helena Bonham Carter, she'll work for free! But wait! We need an older actor to add some "veteran" experience to the flick. Go on Burton, grab Christopher Lee, you've done it plenty of times before! I can only imagine that's the conversation Burton has with every producer in Hollywood these days. And to make this all sound spooky, with choir voices and sinister tones, Burton, of course, asks for help from Danny Elfman for the score.

 Please, you two. Stop it. For the sake of both of your careers. 

Now some of you may be thinking, "This relationship is amazing! They have made so many great movies together!". Sure, they have had a couple of classics (anything with Ed or Edward in the title), but can we really look past their last few films? I, for one, cannot forgive nor forget the atrocities that are Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, nor do I really want to. With Dark Shadows, Burdeppon has slapped me on the face once more, laughing at the fact that they have again gotten a way with producing a "hit". At this point in their careers, I have come to the conclusion that Burton and Depp just don't care anymore. Continually recycling and reusing the same ideas, the dark "quirkiness and charm", and again, the same actors and actresses, Burdeppon has milked every last drop (and then some) of this unusual cash cow. 

Oh look! It's Willy Barnabas Mad Hatter Sparrow Thompson!

Adapting a beloved TV show that all of us pretended to be familiar with once this project was announced, Tim Burton retells/remakes/rehashes the story of Barnabas Collins (Depp), an aristocrat turned-vampire who awakens after centuries of "eternal slumber" in 1972. As we all know, this time in history is incredibly relatable to the target demographic and all of us can look back at that day and age with familiarity and nostalgia. Barnabas awakens to find his estate is in disrepair and that his descendants live giving off an illusion that they're sitting on gold. Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green) is in fact, the reason the family has fallen upon hard times, and, as a witch, has taken over the quiet fishing town of Collinsport, Maine. Under her witchcraft-ness, the townspeople have dedicated all of their resources to her and her business and the entire town's wealth trickles through her. Barnabas, aroused yet infuriated, with Angelique (she was the one to turn him into a vampire in the first place), vows to return his family to honor.

Even someone as beautiful as Eva Green gets destroyed by the twelve layers of makeup that are mandatory when working with Burton.

There's very little to love in Dark Shadows. Again, Tim Burton follows the paths he walked down with Alice and Charlie and refuses to use practical sets and actual locations for the film. So much of the movie is glossed over with foggy effects and over-CGI'd backdrops that very little of the final product feels like a story set in the 70s. Burton has again become the victim of himself and his obsession with turning the unnecessary into darkness and glum prove to be one of the movie's greatest weaknesses. Depp is more than past his prime as Barnabas and the character is exactly the same as the last four or five you have seen him play. Post-Pirates of the Caribbean Depp has continually channeled his inner Hunter S. Thompson while throwing in a fake-something-accent and being more bizarre than charming. Of the rest of the cast (that's quite packed, might I mention) there is really no stand outs. Eva Green is the closest to great as Angelique, and as the witch-ness unravels about her, her scenes become more interesting. Chloe Grace Moretz plays Carolyn, the young, rebellious, "sassy" teenager but Burton pumps up her sexuality to a point that leaves you rather confused and uncomfortable. As for Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, and Helena Bonham Carter Depp Burton, their roles are rather minimal and their presences feel used simply for the recognition factor as opposed to talent. 

Even Rorschach can't save the movie. 

Dark Shadows is one of Burton's weakest films and easily the most phoned movie in his filmography. Nearly every aspect of the movie falls short of anything wonderful and drags on for far too long. Dated and uninspired Dark Shadows fails to charm or humor the audience and only reminds us that the days of good Burdeppon movies are long gone. While I have seen exceptional films from the man, I have lost almost all faith in Tim Burton. I can only imagine the day he gives us a product worthy to stand next to Big Fish and Ed Wood, his two marvelous masterpieces. Dark Shadows is just another smear on his rather eclectic filmography and quite a low point for Johnny Depp as well. Both men I used to look up to and respect, but the way their careers are heading I can only assume that respect will run dry. 

The Good:

Eva Green has her few moments of brilliance but what Burton puts her up against leaves much to be desired

The Bad:

a weak script with an entire lack of humor that tries to be something quirky and dark but ends up mundane and glossy

The Ugly:

Depp and Burton's relationship has expired and the film tries its hardest to push past the fact, but fails in nearly every aspect

3.5/10

Trailer:

Oct 17: Corpse Bride

"When a shy groom practices his wedding vows in the inadvertent presence of a deceased young woman, she rises from the grave assuming he has married her."

Directed by: Tim Burton, Rated: PG, 77 minutes

Tim Burton is a tricky filmmaker. His stuff is very hit and miss, with his latest stuff being almost un-watchable. His love affair with Johnny Depp seems to be never-ending and even when Burton makes an animated movie, like Corpse Bride, he has to have his man-friend as the main character. While many consider Corpse Bride to be a success amid Burton's newer bombs, I find the film to be incredibly boring and horribly paced. Hell, it's only 77 minutes and it feels like it- rushed and messy. 

Stone-faced boredom.

Victor (Depp) is a shy man, doing whatever his over-bearing parents tell him to do. He's nervous about nearly everything and when he's set to marry Victoria (Emily Watson), a beautiful girl that is the daughter of wealthy parents, he freaks out and runs away. While in the woods, he gathers his thoughts and attempts to compose himself, if it's just enough to get through the ceremony. As he musters up the courage, he practices his vows and talks to the trees as though they were the people. He goes as far as placing the ring on what appears to be a tree branch. Unfortunately for Victor, it's the hand of a dead woman (Helena Bonham Carter), looking for her own groom and she rises from the dead assuming he's the one to save her. Victor's teleported to the underworld where he encounters all sorts of ghouls, ghosts, and skeletons, and even his dead dog. As he realizes he's surrounded by the dead, Victor must find a way back to the living as well as a way to detach himself from the vows he made to Emily. 

She can't believe how boring it is either. 

Corpse Bride looks amazing. The stop-motion animation is done brilliantly and the contrast in colors, from the living to the dead, is beautiful (death is apparently the more vibrant one). The film also features Danny Elfman's magical music as well as a handful of original songs. These moments come and go too quickly to enjoy and there's simply not enough of them squeezed into this small little film. It's a large part of why the short running time is more frustrating than anything. You can tell much of the movie is trying to emulate the success of A Nightmare Before Christmas, but none of the songs are as catchy nor are the characters as appealing. Besides the visuals, Corpse Bride fails as a film. It's incredibly boring and the entire thing feels way too rushed, as though Burton just wanted to get it made as soon as possible. It's a shame because stop-motion animation takes forever to make and you'd think that in the lengthy process, more substance would have been added to the story. 

Shot frame by frame, someone had to realize it lacked the "umph" and the "ha" to be something great. 

I can't say my dislike for this film is a direct result of my recent disappointment with Burton, but I do find it lacking quite a bit. It looks pretty and sounds nice, but the story is crap. Johnny Depp does really nothing in his role besides whimper, cower, and whine and Burton's wife, Helena, just does a decent job as Emily. Both actors are clearly in their roles because of they're both married to Burton and I would have liked to see people with more energy in the roles. Elfman's music is great as are the songs, but they feel more like jingles than full songs. Corpse Bride really misses the mark and could have been something great. Instead, it fails about 75% of the time and is just as forgettable as Burton's latest films, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland. For your money, you'd have more fun carving punkins and overdosing on candy corn. 

The Good:

great visuals and wonderful animation that help create a colorful world of the undead

The Bad:

lackluster voice acting that accompanies a really boring story that never escalates to greatness

The Ugly:

even for a passion project, Burton leaves you questioning his talent, wondering if he was only good in the 80s and 90s (and in 2003 with Big Fish)

Overall: 6.0/10

Trailer:

Be Sure to Check out Ries' Top 6 Tim Burton Flicks

Pick Six- The Essential Tim Burton

Good morning, HAL. Ries here, checking in to tackle a Pick Six on this beautiful Saturday morning. Nick and I were talking last night about what could be a fun Pick Six for me to try and type up, and we decided that it was long past due that I tackled a director who incurs my wrath (and admiration) in about 50% of all my film-talks. In an effort to really challenge myself, I'm gonna go ahead and do a Pick Six of my Favorite Tim Burton Films.

I myself have always had a love-hate relationship with the man's work, and was pretty excited to actually devote some time to picking out my favorites of his films. On a more personal note, this will be my first time publishing here on the Katz as myself. It's a momentous occasion. Here's to hoping I don't set a pixel-fire that burns down the site in one heinously written post.

And now, as Hannibal Lecter once said - "Okie dokie. Here we go."

SIX: Batman Returns

Nick recently recently wrote a review on the strange (mostly shrouded in childhood myth) film Batman. It's not a very good movie. Neither is Batman Returns, the film's sequel. However, it warrants a place on my list because it is one of my favorites. Childhood films have a horrible knack of falling in quality when we revisit them in later years. This is a perfect example of that. Batman Returns inspired me (like I imagine it inspired a lot of dark-imagined children) at an age when Batman was not the best hero, he was the only hero. As a child, I didn't find the bizarre humor off-putting at all, and was instead delighted and terrified by DeVito's Penguin. Actually, the scene where Penguin dies coughing up (ink?) black fluids has got to be one of the top 10 Most Traumatizing Scenes from my younger years. That's right, kids. The Death of the Penguin, the Fall of Shadow (Homeward Bound) and the death of Mufasa (The Lion King) on the same list. Only...I still can't watch the death of Mufasa. Or the Fall of Shadow, for that matter.

Moving on, before I think about it and weep.

Favorite Quote: "The heat's getting to me. I'll murder you momentarily." - The Penguin

FIVE: Planet of the Apes

I enjoyed Planet of the Apes. I didn't think it was necessarily as good or unforgettable as the original film, of course (You blew it up!) but I did like it. I thought it was interesting to see Tim Burton handle such a large budget and a genre utterly unlike what we've come to expect from him. He did the Sci-Fi turn well, I thought, and his work with makeup here was really something great. Though the film has more than a few flaws, it earned a place on my list for its action, its tone and its awesome fight scenes. It also paved the way for that infinitely better film, Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

The soundtrack is great too - and Tim Roth is genuinely threatening in a monkey costume. The late Michael Clarke Duncan is wonderful, as always, and whenever I see a movie with him in it I get a little sad that he's no longer with us. But he was a gentle giant, capable of terrifying us with his size and inspiring us with his genuine character. When you can exude likability as a giant warchief ape, you know you're a complete and total bad*ss.

Favorite Quote: "BOW YOUR HEADS!" - Attar

FOUR: Ed Wood

Ed Wood is a film dedicated to film. Movies like this make me happy, mostly because they offer a real insight into the mind of the director in question. We see through this film at least a glimmer of how Burton's mind works. We see through his perception an portrayal of infamous director Ed Wood what Burton admires most in a fellow filmmaker. Johnny Depp's performance is unforgettable and refreshing. It's nice to see him act in a role that isn't down the "Mad Hatter" route.

I love movies about movie magic. Ed Wood is a great homage to Hollywood while being honest about the hardships a lot of filmmakers face when trying to survive there. One story-line in particular (involving morphine addictions and rehab) provides a real-life-spooky undertone to the film. It sounds odd to say this film is inspiring, but it is - in a backwards way. Plan 9 From Outer Space is widely considered the worst film ever made, and watching it come into existence is a hilarious and somewhat motivating experience.

The best part of Ed Wood is the characters that surround the titular character. The acting that went into portraying this eccentric, fantastic, lovable and at times hilarious cast of characters is spot on. I had fun seeing this movie, but a lot of times I found my attention wandering. That's the sole reason this film didn't break into my top 3 on this list - but it's a close fourth. (Also - the black and white noir feel works so well here it's scary.)

In the end, Ed Wood is not so much a tribute to a man as it is a tribute to an idea and to an era of films that we long for. We miss Hollywood at its most outrageous and bizarre - we miss the dogged determination of men like Ed Wood, who clawed their way into infamy with the conviction that what they were doing was important. The film is one of Burton's most visually "simple" and is definitely worth a look.

Favorite Quote: "Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your time making someone else's dreams?" - Orson Welles

THREE: Sweeney Todd

It was hard to decide between Sweeney Todd and Big Fish, but I guess I'll cop out and say these two share a pedestal in my mind. I put Big Fish as number two because it has a beautiful message and leaves me feeling hopeful about life when I finish watching it. Sweeney Todd is sort of like Big Fish's dark brother. It's an unforgettable film adaptation of the character first presented in The String of Pearls, a Victorian penny dreadful from the 1800's and later made accessible by Steven Sondheim's bloody wonderful musical.

Sweeney Todd leaves me feeling crushed. It leaves me slightly queasy (in fact, I once watched this film with a fellow who had to lie down after the film) greasy and horrified. The film is uneasy, the blood is absurd enough to allow for a sense of disconnect yet real enough to make me distinctly uncomfortable. The death scenes are brutal and hard to watch, yet we cannot look away. The film is beautifully filmed, the musical numbers adapted almost perfectly. I heard complaints about Johnny Depp's singing, which I found passable at worst, and Helena Bonham Carter is wonderful here as always.

Whatever violence lurks just behind most Burton films is splayed out in spectacular fashion here and bleeds from a slashed jugular all over the screen. There's something wildly disconcerting about seeing someone sing a beautiful song while cutting someone's throat. While I was staying in Boston one summer, I had the fantastic misfortune of having a straight edge shave scheduled an hour or two after I saw this film (best move ever on my part, right?). As you can imagine, that was a fun experience.

Favorite Quote: " 'Don't I know you?' she said . . . " - Sweeney Todd

TWO: Big Fish

Movies like Big Fish are the reason I can't find it in my heart to forgive Tim Burton. I say forgive because Big Fish (as well as Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands) are physical proof that the man can create films that are truly and utterly spectacular. Based loosely on a collection of short stories by Daniel Wallace, Big Fish is not only one of my top 3 Tim Burton Films, it's probably also on my top 15 films of all time. This is a film that highlights everything I wish Tim Burton would do more often. It's a movie that is strange, it's bizarre, it's weird, and it's absolutely magical.

There's a sense of delicate wonder in a film like Big Fish, not to mention a real story with real characters facing real problems. This isn't to say that I don't like silly films. This is to say that somehow in this flick, Burton navigated the waters between the absurd and the gritty with a flawless sense of purpose. Big Fish feels less like a masquerade of make-up and silly acting and more like memories of childhood make-believe brought alive on the screen.

The darkness that flits around in most of Burton's films is apparent here, as is the comedy. What moves me most about Big Fish, however, is the emotional side of the story. This film was made with an at times overwhelming sense of love. The love of parents, of story, the love of courageous people who harbor the defiant belief that imagination can preserve and protect us - these messages are what make Big Fish such a powerful film. Two scenes in particular replay in my head long after the flick is over - one involving sheets on a clothesline and the other involving a congregation at a river. It's the kind of film I simply can't watch with a dry eye or leave uninspired by.

Favorite Quote: "Everybody's there, and I mean everybody. And the strange thing is, there's not a sad face to be found. Everyone's just so happy to see you." - Will Bloom

ONE: Edward Scissorhands

At long last, we arrive.

The essential Tim Burton wouldn't be complete without the most essential of his films. Edward Scissorhands earns the top spot on this hack-dash list by being the most fantastic blend of Big Fish, Sweeney Todd and even showing signs of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The result is Tim Burton's best film, one that I could easily devote pages to its praises. Heart breaking, funny, magical and mysterious, Edward Scissorhands is a fairy tale brought to life and empowered by a nervy undercurrent of suburban horror. The movie brushes with adult themes (the quasi-rape scene, anyone?) and asks unpleasant questions about unpleasant people.

Johnny Depp is at his top form here, his Edward the best thing this side the Caribbean. His character is tender, loving, loyal and frightened, like a lamb with knives for fingers. The film's soundtrack by Danny Elfman is also worth mentioning, as it puts forward Ice Dance, arguably one of the most haunting themes in any film anywhere. I first came across Edward Scissorhands very late - I was a freshman in college, on a movie marathon that lasted for...well, weeks on end. I remember when I finished watching the film, I went outside and watched the snow fall for a few minutes.

It's not a perfect movie, but it's my favorite of the Tim Burton's. If you haven't seen it, do. If you have, perhaps the day is just right for another reviewing.

Favorite Quote: "I can't." - Edward

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Here are a couple flicks that Burton was involved in that didn't make the list.

Sleepy Hollow - A fun movie. Not great, but fun. It's incredibly violent (at times, disturbing) and yet never takes itself too seriously. I wish there were more movies with this style of horror; the Sleepy Hollowesque American legends need more screen time, but only done if well. I wish someone would adopt this story into film in better fashion, but this was a fun way to waste a couple of hours.

The Nightmare Before Christmas - One of my favorite Christmas/Halloween movies. Probably the quintessential holiday movie, one that my kids will definitely be raised on. Unfortunately, Tim Burton didn't direct this film. Phooey.

James and the Giant Peach - Another childhood favorite. A wonderful film, but again, not directed by Burton.

The Fox and the Hound - Double take. Wait - Tim Burton was involved in this flick? Why yes, yes he was. (Mind. Blown.)

Vincent - Were this only a feature length film. Available online, and very brief, it's definitely worth a peek.

Sept 15: Batman

"The Dark Knight of Gotham City begins his war on crime with his first major enemy being the clownishly homicidal Joker."

Directed by: Tim Burton, Rated: PG-13, 126 minutes

Tim Burton's Batman is what turned me onto The Dark Knight. As a young kid, looking for the "ultimate superhero" to worship and idolize, I found so much awesome in Batman that I was immediately hooked. The suit, the gadgets, and the Batmobile gave me something I not only wanted to be a part of, but awesome toys to play with as well (and as a kid, toys are king). Then, just as I was getting into the movies, a glorious thing happened. Batman: The Animated Series premiered and I just about lost it. I couldn't get enough of Gotham's Finest and the obsession rolled in faster than a Batrang flying at a gang of criminals. Now, whenever I hear Danny Elfman's memorable Batman theme, I go back to my childhood and worship the Bat even more, tapping into my nostalgia for a quick fix. 

The movie also gave me the most memorable VHS cover of all time. Just the Bat Symbol- so simple. 

Burton's Batman skips the origin story for the hero (played by Michael Keaton) and focuses on his greatest nemesis, The Joker (Jack Nicholson). The film starts with Batman already doing what he does, but alludes to the fact that he's still a mysterious figure that's popped up in Gotham City. We then see Jack Napier, a professional criminal who's looking to move up in the underworld. After a chemical accident turns his skin white and leaves a permanent smile on his face, Napier takes on the persona of The Joker, a man hellbent on destroying Gotham and taking control of the city. Driven insane by his accident, the man will not stop at nothing to take over and stop the Batman from doing any more good for the city. As The Joker begins his takeover by contaminating the city's hygiene supplies (makeup, deodorant, hairspray, etc.), turning all those who use any products into grin-faced corpses, Batman must figure out a way to stop him, while juggling a love interest (Vicky Vale played by Kim Bassinger), who's a little too curious as to what's going on in the city. 

The Clown Prince finally portrayed as a homicidal freak. 

While I appreciate the film starting off after Bruce Wayne takes on the cowl, the semi-focus on the origin of The Joker is a little out of place. I know a part of it is faithful to the comics, but I don't see how a man falling into a vat of chemicals makes him bat-shit crazy and insane. I would have much preferred to see The Joker exist already, and simply bring his mischief and chaos to Gotham in full force. Luckily, even that smallest bit of disappointment is almost washed away immediately with Jack Nicholson's performance. He steals every scene he is in and seeing his trademark grin (stretched a little wider for the role) and hearing him laugh like a mad man never gets old. His gadgets are just as entertaining and the more comedic route he goes about the role makes his darker moments even creepier. Michael Keaton also does a terrific job as Bruce Wayne, even though I've never thought he fits the role physically. However, even then he's just not on screen as much as I remembered. There's just a lot more focus on The Joker and his story. 

Keaton's Bruce/Batman focuses much more on the gadgets than brute force. He's still a stud. 

While I could go on for days about the film, I'll wrap up saying that Batman really isn't as good as I remember it being. Maybe a part of that is having the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy fresh in my mind, or maybe that times have changed so much that a somewhat campy adaptation just doesn't do it anymore. I actually prefer the animated series over this film and feel the colorful villain and over-the-top style fits much better when hand-drawn. Batman will forever have a place in my heart and I will never downright hate the film, but I have to say it has not aged as well as I hoped. The pacing is a little weak (back to the focusing on The Joker issues) and the entire film looks like it's on one giant sound stage. To argue that, however, one could say that it's a faithful adaptation to the comics, which I agree on, but I guess these days I'm just looking for a bit more from my superheroes, even if it's Batman. 

The Good:

seeing Batman in a live-action movie and realizing how much the film did for the hero and comic book adaptations as a whole (and of course, Nicholson)

The Bad:

too much camp in a post-camp world, feeling more out of place today than anything else

The Ugly:

realizing the film isn't as great as I remembered, with plenty of flaws that I now see as a more "experienced" movie-watcher

Overall: 7.8/10

Trailer:

June 3: Mars Attacks!

The Earth is invaded by Martians with irresistible weapons and a cruel sense of humor.

It is always sad watching a movie you remember loving as a kid and then, only now, realizing how bad of a movie it really is. Some times, these films should just stay in the crevices of your younger mind, lingering simply to thoughts of nostalgia. Okay, enough of the sermon and onto the review. Mars Attacks! is a very bad movie. Packed with nearly every star that was relevant in 1996, the film attempts to be a spoof of the old sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s, even channeling Tim Burton's earlier inspiration in Ed Wood. However, Mars Attacks! does not come off as clever, or spoofy?, just bad. The film does not spoof the films of yesteryear and instead mimics and duplicates them in horrible ways. 

The guys at Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have a field day with Mars Attacks!

To give you an idea of how "grand" the film tries to be, just take a look at the cast. The movie stars Jack Nicholson, Glen Close, Pierce Brosnan, Natalie Portman, Christina Applegate, Jack Black, Annette Benning, Danny DeVito, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Martin Short, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Rod Steiger, and yes, even Tom Jones. It's absolutely ridiculous that so many people (most of them at the peaks of their careers in 1996) came together to make this film. You would also think, that with this much talent, the film would be much better than it is. However, even then, you can't put the blame on the cast, because for the most part, they all know it's bad, and just have fun with what little script and ideas they were given. The plot tells the story of a Martian invasion on earth and shows what happens at all corners of the country. Nicholson plays the president, and while don't think I could ever see the Joker in the Oval Office, his attempt at being the Leader of the Free World is one of the few entertaining aspects to the film. I could go on and explain who every person plays, but then this review would be ten pages long and certainly the most tedious read. And, it really doesn't matter either. Each actor pops up here and there, with his/her encounter with the aliens in some way or another. It's here where the plot suffers, as the constant jumping around just makes everything a much bigger mess than it already is. The film implodes in on itself, as the weight of the cast and the over-the-top attempt to be some satirical spoof of Old Hollywood ruins the film. 

But even as bad as the film really is, I will always love the Ack-ing, Nitrogen breathing aliens who turn people into Christmas skeletons with their death rays. 

If you have already seen Mars Attacks! and have fond memories of the film like I used to, I would definitely recommend skipping a new viewing of the film. Let it lay in the past as something enjoyable and move on to bigger and better things. If, however, you have never seen the film, I won't say it's worth watching. I certainly cannot say the movie is great and while I attempt to think of any suggestions on what could have been changed to make it better, I draw a blank as the film is really too bad to be fixed. I know that Tim Burton has a huge love for older movies, especially the sub-genre, cult "classics" and I know his attempt to pay homage to those same films was filled with respect and his own case of being a fan-boy, but I cannot praise the film for those aspects alone. 

The Good:

the martians look good and are pretty amusing

The Bad:

a complete lack of a solid script and what little there is, is messier than the inside of a space helmet after an alien's head explodes inside

The Ugly:

wondering if this mega-cast "comedy" was a precursor to the likes of Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve, or even a foreshadowing that no matter how many stars you pack into a turd, it's still a piece of shit... just shinier

Overall: 3.5/10

Trailer:

*NEW FEATURE

* 

Discussion:

After watching Men in Black last night and Mars Attacks! tonight, I am thinking of doing an alien movie week, leading up to Prometheus next weekend. Thoughts? Suggestions?

May 26: Beetlejuice

"A couple of recently deceased ghosts contract the services of a "bio-exorcist" in order to remove the obnoxious new owners of their house."

Beetlejuice is a classic, hands down. It is Tim Burton at his best and a nice reminder of how good he used to be. Yes, used to. I don't care what anyone says but Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory suck. They are loud, creepy, obnoxious messes with way too much color and way too much Depp. Yes, I said it. Burdeppon needs a break. But moving past that, let's talk about Burton's first "relationship" with Michael Keaton (Burk? Keabur? Beaton?). First, Beetlejuice that lead into Batman (f**k yes) and then finishing with Batman Returns, this duo was three for three in the awesome department. And it all started with Beetlejuice, an incredibly creative ride through a colorful underworld with equally creative characters and one hell of a performance from Keaton. 

He's a conman Joker with the hygiene of the Bubonic Plague (hehe, I love that shrunken head dude)

Beetlejuice follows the story of the Maitlands (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis) who, after discovering they have died, seek a means of haunting the Deetz family, the new owners of their house, who plan on ruining it with atrocious decorating and remodeling. After several failed attempts at scaring the Deetz's away (including a memorable dinner table scene featuring dancing and calypso), the Maitlands reluctantly hire Beetlejuice (Keaton) for help, who advertises himself as a "bio-exorcist" or, in a sense, an expert ghost. It turns out, however, that he's just a dirty, horny, old ghoul who looks out only for himself and will do whatever it takes to get out of the underworld. The story is incredibly original and its execution is so imaginative and over-the-top (the good kind) that you can't help but love it. It's a dark, dark, comedy and its twister humor mixed with equally twisted special effects and character designs give it a very macabre charm. 

I mean... look how f**ked up (yet cute) that is. 

Chances are, you've already seen Beetlejuice as it was quite the hit when it premiered in 1988 and even spawned a cartoon that lasted nearly 100 episodes. It's one of Burton's best and most creative films. It has incredible special effects that create extremely unique characters, creatures, and ghouls and is really the first sign of Burton's fascination with death and the afterlife (see: everything else he does). The best part of the film is definitely Keaton's performance and one of the biggest faults with the film is that he does not have enough screen time (only 17 minutes). They recently announced a true sequel to the film that will return Keaton to the role and I can only hope that Burton doesn't find a way to squeeze Johnny Depp into it, and really makes it a true sequel, faithful and respectful enough to the original.

The Good:

a clever, original story that can only come from the world's most obscure visionary 

The Better:

creepy, terrifying, and entertaining special effects that have their own "flair"

The Best:

Keaton delivering one of his best performances of his career and how he steals every second he's on the screen

Overall: 8.2/10

Trailer: