October Blogathon: Most F**ked Up Movies You've Ever Seen

Movies are more than just film on a screen. They can be nightmares, haunting our dreams and sleepless nights. Movies keep us up at night, on edge under the covers, gripping the sheets as tight as we can whenever the slightest sound echoes through the empty house. Movies inspire fear. They make you wonder if there really is something (or someone) hiding right outside your window, waiting for you to fall asleep before it makes a move. Movies make us question if we're alone or if there's more out there, be it a ghost wailing in the dark or a demon looking to make a deal. Movies show us the insides of human bodies, blood and gore spilling out with every slash, gunshot, or stabbing. Villains of the screen want nothing more than to tear us apart. Movies make you fear disease and all the flesh eating bacteria, zombie-turning viruses that could ruin the world we live in. And of course, movies make you sick, with gross-out moments and all-too-real bloody scenes that turn our stomachs inside out. 

This is a blogathon for those movies. I want to hear what films make you hate life, make you sick, or make you so disgusted you swear you'll never watch it again. I want to hear about the movie that's so grotesque, you feel compelled to show your friends and look away at all the gross moments because you know how f**ked up it all is. 

So, below I want you to post links to reviews, articles, essays, etc. about what you think is the most f**ked up movie(s) you've ever seen. Now, it doesn't have to be a horror movie, because we all know we've seen our own share of other sorts of things that are equally disturbing. Hell, it could even be a kids movie you found too messed up for your little brain. 

More than just straight links to reviews, though, I want to know WHY you think something is the most f**ked up ever. Dissect it, tear it apart, abuse the movie like it abuses you. Let it have it. And do it with a smile on your face. 

Reviews:
Benend's Basment's Review of Martyrs
Robert of The Sketchy Details Reviews Inside
Dave of KLF-Film Reviews The Sinful Dwarf
Amy of YAM Magazine Reviews Sex Zen 3D
Julyssa of YAM Magazine Reviews Catepillar
What Happened to Hollywood? Talks about Cannibal Holocaust
Gore Girl Reviews Hard Gore
Camiele of YAM Magazine Reviews Ichi the Killer
Camiele also reviews Se7en


Articles:
Benend's Basement's "Five Most Disturbing Films of my Childhood"
Dusty On Movies Breaks Down a Bunch of Films
The Vern's Videovangaurd's Top 4 Scariest Movies of All Time
Elwood from The Depths of DVD Hell's Article: "Honey, Let's Screw Up the Kids"
Karl at Xs Mark the Spot Discusses Deviant Cinema
Andrew of Two Tickets For... Breaks Down the Six Most Messed Up Movies He's Ever Seen

Sept 30: Looper

"In 2072, when the mob wants to get rid of someone, the target is sent 30 years into the past, where a hired gun awaits. Someone like Joe, who one day learns the mob wants to 'close the loop' by transporting back Joe's future self."

Directed by: Rian Johnson, Rated: R, 118 minutes

In a day and age where everything that comes to theaters is seemingly another remake, reboot, adaptation, or spin-off, original ideas are hard to come by. With Looper, writer/director Rian Johnson gives us something we have never seen before, pushing the limits of our imaginations and our intelligence as a movie-going audience. It's packed full of visual marvels, has one of the most unique stories I've seen, incredible makeup, and has some pretty damn fine acting from its rather small cast. 

The whole thing just reeks of cool. 

In the future, murder has become something of the past, with tracking devices preventing people from killing off one another. So, the mob utilizes time travel when they want to get rid of someone, sending them back 30 years to be knocked off. Loopers, who work in the present time, are then waiting for their targets to be sent back, and kill them immediately after they arrive. Joe (Levitt) is one of the best and does his job without question. However, when he comes face to face with himself from the future (Old Joe, Bruce Willis), he hesitates pulling the trigger and accidentally lets himself go. What then unfolds is a manhunt through the city, as Joe knows if he can't find Old Joe, he'll be dead sooner than later. The events in the big city lead to a quiet farm in the middle of nowhere where a young woman, Sara (Emily Blunt) and her son, Cid (Pierce Gagnon), play a rather important role in the decisions Joe makes in his hunt for himself. 

Oh, and there's a terrific Jeff Daniels that provides a couple of twisted laughs as Abe, the man in charge of the Loopers. 

If the above description sounds confusing, I apologize. Looper is far from confusing, with everything explained quite simply, with very little loose ends left hanging about by its conclusion. Rian Johnson manages to create a script that's not only mind-blowing in it's originality, but it actually makes sense. The twists and turns the film carries out are also quite unexpected, even when you think you know where the movie is heading. It's in this that the film really shines, as something that makes you think, while leaving you vulnerable for a twist, is quite refreshing. 

Give this guy $200 million and let him make whatever he wants with it!

Along with the script, Looper has some of the best makeup work I have ever seen. The filmmakers used practical effects, makeup, and prosthetic work to turn Joseph Gordon-Levitt into a younger Bruce Willis. Along with Levitt's acting, he completely morphs into Willis, and it's easy to believe they're the same person, or at least related. At first, I thought this idea would be very distracting (from what the trailers made you believe), but the final product is flawless. It's remarkable what they are able to do with a bit of makeup and some plastic, and I expect the makeup department to receive some recognition come the Oscars. It's also worth noting that the special effects look great as well, with Johnson painting a "could-be" picture of the future, blending the familiar with ideas we know are on the horizon. It's dark, it's sad, it's plagued by the poor, and the technology is both plausible and futuristic. 

This video doesn't quite do the comparisons justice, but you can get a feel of how good the makeup is. 

Of course, a movie can't be incredible with just a smart script and stylish visuals. The acting in Looper is some of the best of the year, even resurrecting a rather stale Bruce Willis and reminding us that he can still kick ass and actually act. He has a handful of heart-wrenching scenes that could easily be dismissed with poor acting, but Willis does a fine job in them and really impresses. As mentioned, Joseph Gordon-Levitt does a great job as Joe, bringing his usual charisma and likability to a character who does a lot of dirty work. Emily Blunt also delivers a great performance as the tough "because she has to be", Sara. She's alone on a farm, with just her son, and is strong enough to be believable as a young woman doing it all on her own. And she's sexy, even when she's made to look more "plain". But, the star of the show is the young Pierce Gagnon. This kid gives us some of the best acting I have ever (and I mean ever) seen in someone his age, and he proves to be much smarter than his youth would make you believe. 

This kid CAN act!

Looper is one of the best movies of the year and one of the smartest films to come out in the last decade or so. With an intelligent script that leaves you guessing, great visuals and even better acting, the movie fully delivers. I had this flick on my list of films I could not wait to see, and had actually managed to avoid as much information about it to stay away from spoilers. What I can say is that the few trailers I did see gave absolutely nothing away about the story, and I have to give a tip of the hat to the marketers behind it. There's much, much more at the heart of the story than just your run-of-the-mill action movie, and seeing it all play out is so much fun. Do yourself a favor and reward yourself with Looper. You won't be disappointed. I cannot wait to see what Rian Johnson does next. 

The Good:
great makeup work and visuals that feel like nothing you've seen, and manage to turn something that could have been campy and distracting, into a work of art
The Better:
marvelous performances but a stellar cast, and an introduction to a young talent that has quite the future for himself
The Best:
a great story about time-traveling that doesn't feel too confusing, and manages to deliver something smart

Overall: 9.5/10

Trailer:

Sept 29: The Princess and the Frog

"A fairy tale set in Jazz Age-era New Orleans and centered on a young woman named Tiana and her fateful kiss with a frog prince who desperately wants to be human again."

Directed by: Ron Clements & John Musker, Rated: G, 97 minutes

Disney has had a lousy streak in the past five or so years. With countless direct-to-DVD quasi sequels, lackluster stories, and an almost complete absence of fairy tales, the House of Mouse didn't seem like it could turn itself around. Luckily for all of us (and our kids), Disney struck gold again in 2009 with The Princess and the Frog, a throw back to the older style of animation with hand drawn marvels and even catchier songs. Sure, it has it's flaws (what kid's movie doesn't?), but The Princess and the Frog gives us a reason to believe again and gives us an almost instant classic that can sit right beside The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and the rest of Mickey's favorites. 

The Lion King: still turning grown men into little crying girls

We all know the story of the Frog Prince, a man trapped inside the body of an amphibian who can only get out with a kiss from a beautiful young woman. Well The Princess and the Frog changes things up a bit. Instead of the prince being "saved" and turned back into a man, the woman, Tiana (Anika Noni Rose), that kisses him becomes a frog herself. Cursed by The Shadow Man (Keith David), a greedy voodoo witch-doctor, the prince, Naveen (Bruno Campos) and Tiana must figure out a way to turn back into human before it's too late, making their way through the Louisiana bayou with a trumpet-playing alligator and a firefly in love with a star. Of course, the two at first hate each other, Naveen looking down on Tiana for not fixing him and Tiana blaming the prince for the situation they have found themselves in. But as you can imagine with every Disney movie, they find their way to a fairy tale ending where everything works out beautifully. 

Nothing screams Disney like a rather large animal playing a particularly tiny instrument. F**k yes. 

The best part of The Princess and the Frog is most definitely the visuals. With the nostalgic feel of hand drawn animation and a glossy modern finish, the movie looks incredible. You can see the effort Disney put into the film and it completely delivers. Of course, something can only look so good. The movie also has a very delightful story, with plenty of laughs and captures the atmosphere of New Orleans and the southern swamps. The score is also terrific, with the legendary Randy Newman creating the music as well as the original songs, which are just as catchy as ones you remember growing up with. 

Even though he's a little on the odd looking side, I'll always "got" a friend in him. 

I would highly recommend The Princess and the Frog. It's beautiful, it's fun, and it's a great reminder of how good Disney really can be. This and Tangled are the perfect additions to the Disney Vault and leave you genuinely excited for another golden age from Walt's imagination. While bits of the movie can seem problematic and the ending is obviously predictable, it's still a marvel to watch and warrants a viewing. Hell, I even downloaded the soundtrack it's that good. 

The Good:

amazing visuals that look blend both the new and old styles of animation

The Better:

a terrific soundtrack that'll stick itself inside your head for days on end

The Best:

knowing Disney is back and making up for all of its failures, reminding us it's a worthwhile studio again

Overall: 8.3/10

Trailer:

Sep 28: Battleship

"A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals."

Directed by: Peter Berg, Rated: PG-13, 131 minutes

If Hollywood just HAS to make a movie about a rather mundane board game and turn it into a summer "blockbuster" they could at least have the decency to make it interesting. With Battleship, the newest (and stupidest) unnecessary adaptation, we're given an absolutely boring film, with loud noises, decent effects, and a cast of characters no deeper than a puddle of a mud. Director Peter Berg manages to take an already stupid idea and turn it into something even worse, pretty much just giving us a piss-poor version of Transformers, but still less entertaining. Yes, folks, I prefer Transformers (something I've been known to despise) over this sad excuse for a film. 

Transformers! Robots in de-skies (and sea)!

This loud and obnoxious atrocity tells the story of Alex Hopper (Taylor "I Make Movies Bomb" Kitsch), a trouble making dude who manages to become the captain of the U.S.S John Paul Jones after a bunch of other people die when aliens attack. Because, we all know that shit like this happens all the time and our leading officers in the army simply "fall" into the position left and right. So yeah, back to the aliens. These robotic man-things that look like the robot in the NFL on FOX commercials come to earth, seeking something. We don't really know, they just invade. A bunch of shit blows up, an actual game of Battleship plays out on screen, and a quasi-patriotic montage of young soldiers working together with old veterans to get stuff done takes over your senses. Oh, and absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) happens until 41 minutes into the film. 

With plenty of horrible changes in the NFL, this bad boy and his friends decide to take over earth. 

There's very little to be enjoyed with Battleship. Sure, some of the special effects look neat, but they're completely ruined minutes later when bad actors stand in front of even worse green screens. And, if you thought Star Trek had more lens flares than necessary, Battleship will make you want to watch it with sunglasses on. Before I watched the film, I thought that it would contain very little references to the board game, because I mean, come on, how can you incorporate bits of plastic and what not into a blockbuster movie. To much surprise, the film is riddled with nods to the game, each being more laugh-tastic than the last. Here's what I noticed: 1. the missiles the aliens use are pegs that look exactly like they're from the game 2. they use a grid like chart to coordinate attacks, even calling out F-22 and such 3. that same chart results in multiple "misses" and eventual "hits" 4. multiple quotes about being unable to "sink this battleship!" 5. once a boat is destroyed, the main characters jump aboard another 6. when it's all over, you fling the pieces in the air in frustration, knowing full well your little sibling cheated. 

F**k you, Kevin!

Battleship is a movie that's dead in the water before it starts. Ruined by its premise, raped by the fact its an adaption of a board game, and absolutely shat upon with its execution, the film goes nowhere and does nothing new. Taylor Kitsch proves again that he has no ability to carry a film and his horrible supporting cast can't save him (Rihanna's lines never cross the three word mark). Also, a random Liam Neeson can't do much for the film, even if his presence is only for about five minutes in a bloated 131 minute movie. Skip this movie if you can and if you've already seen it, I'm sorry. Films like these should not exist and I pray to God this disaster taught Hollywood a lesson. If not, expect Battleship 2: Monopoly Candyland, Summer 2014. 

The Good (yes, there is one):

The film uses plenty of real life former soldiers and Navy men, with even a veteran double amputee playing a big part in the film. I found this to be very awesome that real badasses were included 

The Bad:

an over-long mess that tries way too hard to be something epic, but turns into a shallow dump of bad special effects and even worse acting

The Ugly:

actually seeing the end result of an adaptation of a board game, and knowing full well what a horrible failure it is, and still knowing that more of these are on the way

Overall: 2.6/10

Trailer:

As a reminder, enter my contest for a free copy of The Avengers on Blu-ray! Click HERE for details!

Follow Friday: Man, I Love Films

I apologize for the late Follow Friday this week. I've had a busy schedule these last couple of days. Anyway, this week I wanted to focus on Man, I Love Films, a movie site that's much more than an awesome logo. Man, I Love Films is huge, with a massive staff that deliver quality content day in and out. If you're a LAMB member, you're fully aware of MILF and what they've done for the community and for movie blogging in general. MILF has a ridiculous amount of features, from lists galore, "Vault Reviews", trailers, TGITDNMAR (or Thank God It's the Day New Movies are Released), and of course, the wonderful MILF Cast. I could go on for awhile with what MILF has to offer to the movie world, but you should just head on over and check out the site yourself. If you want a laugh, some good information, great lists, and even a handful of games, Man, I Love Films is the place to go. 

Follow Man, I Love Films on Twitter @manilovefilms

or @Kaiderman 

Past Fridays:

Impassioned Cinema
Today I Watched a Movie
Cinematic Corner

French Toast Sunday
Flights, Tights, and Movie Nights
Two Tickets For...
Two Dude Review
Film Flare

Sept 27: Rounders

"A young man is a reformed gambler who must return to playing big stakes poker to help a friend pay off loan sharks."

Directed by: John Dahl, Rated: R, 121 minutes

Poker is an incredibly popular sport, with it's popularity growing even more each year. Sure, it's not a contact sport like football, or as fast-paced as basketball. Hell, it doesn't even have the American past-time magic like baseball. But nonetheless, it's a very exciting game that pits man against man and can make or break someone (in seconds). So, it leaves you wondering why more movies haven't been about the sport. I mean, the game is thrilling in its own right so you can imagine how suspenseful a movie about poker could be. Well, keeping up with the earlier sports comparisons, Rounders is to poker what Field of Dreams is to baseball and Hoosiers is to basketball. 

Although I think corn whispering in poker would be considered cheating. 

Matt Damon plays Mike, a wannabe law student who struggles with an addiction to gambling. After losing everything he has to the Oreo-loving Russian, KGB (John Malkovich), Mike vows to never play again. However, an old friend from his past, Worm (Edward Norton), is released from prison and immediately wants back in the game. The two flirt with a couple of games, falling back into their old routines of playing off one another and hustling "rookies". Worm tells Mike that the game is more than just fun for him and reveals he's in debt to the wrong guy. Mike, being the great friend he is, vouches for Worm and tells the collector he's good for the money. The two have five days to win $15,000 or fear the worst. 

Oreo, milk's (and Russia's) favorite cookie. 

The best part of Rounders is the acting. In the fast-talking, gripping world of poker, you need damn good actors to play the part realistically. Matt Damon is terrific as Mike, who's simply a good guy who gets in too deep. He's confident and charismatic, and can keep up with the script and each hand dealt to him. He's the guy you want to root for no matter what situation he finds himself in, and seeing him struggle is harder to watch than it would be with other actors in the role. Of course, Edward Norton plays his anti-hero partner to great effect, playing the down and out dog, practically kicked to death with just enough sleeze to hate but with enough sympathy to cheer for (kind of).  The supporting cast is also superb with Gretchen Mol, Martin Landau, and John Tuturro fleshing out the film. 

Grandpa Landau has a very emotional scene where he talks about being old and awesome. 

Even if you're not a fan of poker (Rounders teaches you how to play almost immediately after it starts), the movie is still fun to watch. Sure, it has it's problems- specifically in the pacing department, and the ending is very predictable, but as an overall film it's worth the time. Poker's a great sport and deserves more attention outside the tables in Vegas. Rounders does it justice. Director John Dahl manages to capture the intensity of the sport to great effect, all with the help of a tremdendous cast. Rounders is the perfect follow-up to Good Will Hunting for the (then) young Matt Damon, and shows early signs that the kid's going to become the star he is today. I would highly recommend the film. 

The Good:

showcasing a sport that doesn't get the attention it deserves, all with a great cast led by Matt Damon

The Bad:

pacing problems that can be easily ignored but still lead you see where the movie's going almost immediately once it gets started

The Ugly:

wondering what it would feel like to lose $15,000 in a single hand of poker and having your entire life pulled out from under you

Overall: 7.6/10

Trailer:

For more poker news, tips, and information, head to Pokerlistings.com. 

Sept 26: A Double Team Review: Dredd

"In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO."

Directed by: Pete Travis, Rated: R, 95 minutes

A couple of weeks ago, I partnered up with Joe from Two Dude Review for a Double Team Review of Lawless (see it here). Well, we're continuing the feature with Dredd this week, a flick we both were able to catch in 3D. The film is a loose remake/reboot of the comic book icon and is much grittier and darker than Sylvester Stallone's 1995 piece of crap. As before, I'm in blue and Joe is in red. 

J. So to get things started, did Dredd meet your expectations?

N. That's a loaded question. Why it wasn't as "action-packed" as I thought it would be, it surprised me a lot. The visuals were superb, even beautiful at times, and Karl Urban's Dredd made me chuckle quite a bit.

J. Yeah, I did that on purpose. I've struggled with my thoughts on the movie since I've seen it. I'll admit to liking Urban's version of the character. He masted the scowl unlike any other. I also liked that the film pretty much took place in an apartment complex. I expected quite a bit more action, and my want for more only intensified with how incredibly over the top the scenes were that were included.

N. Yeah, some were very over-the-top, but there was never any HUGE action sequence that blew me away. I was expecting huge set piece (packed with explosions) over and over and over and over.

J. There was one that bordered on being HUGE, but it happens too soon.

N. Yeah, it features a couple of artillery machine guns that I thought would go somewhere. But even then, it just kind of happens. Not a lot going on. It's really just Dredd running away and not really doing anything.

J. It could have been so much better, instead it just went on and on and nothing was really going on.

With obvious comparisons to The Raid: Redemption, Dredd makes up for what it lacks in action with a smart script and great visuals. 

J. What did you think of Slo-Mo?

N. The idea behind the drug is really cool but the way they explained it made it sound cheesy. "It's a drug that makes your brain work 1% the normal speed".

J. YES!

N. The effects behind it though, are phenomenal. I don't think I've ever actually liked slow motion camera work as much as I did with Dredd.

J. I thought the idea was pretty original, and the first time we see it done using the slow motion camera work was exceptional...but I grew tired of seeing it as much as they ended up showing it. It seemed anytime someone took a hit, we got the slow motion camera work and I'd rather have seen something action packed going on.

N. I can understand where you're coming from, but I thought the Slo-Mo portions were too damn good looking to pass up. The detail, the color, and the effects behind each "hit" look so beautiful. It's weird seeing something like that look so nice. Almost made the drug look more artistic than anything like heroin.

J. I can see your point. I just felt that the time could have been better spent elsewhere. What'd you think of the look of the film? aside from the slow motion scenes?

N. I liked it a lot. I thought that a large part of it would look too "video-gamey", but it ended up having a decently gritty feel to it. It was dark with a lot of grays, thus when the Slo-Mo came into play and the color jumps out, it's even more vibrant.

J. Agreed. I thought the look of the film was more realistic than most of the futuristic films we see. There were no flying cars, no outrageous electronic devices, it was dark and gritty and a future that's much easier to envision.

N. Minus the Mega Structures, it was a rather realistic look. A lot of what we have today mixed with the smallest bits of whatever from the future. It didn't try to be a sci-fi flick.

J. Aside from the drug and Dredd's gun, it really didn't. It felt like an action thriller more than anything.

Dredd's gun is linked to his DNA and voice. If he wants to change his ammunition (from say incendiary to stun), he says it out loud and BAM! awesome!

J. What'd you think of Anderson?

N. I've always liked Olivia Thirbly and was wondering if she'd just continue to make indie fluff over and over again. So seeing her kick ass (and she does quite a bit) was really fun to see. Plus, she's incredibly hot. And her sequences where she'd go into the minds of people is really cool.

J. Yeah, I wasn't sure I was going to like the character at first. I was concerned that the mind reading ability was going to be completely misused, but it was handled really well. And she is most definitely hot!

N. Ha. And I agree with the possible issue. I was worried at first that the psychic part would be weird, but it worked. A lot of what makes Dredd great can be attributed to screenwriter, Alex Garland, who also wrote 28 Days Later and Sunshine, two of my favorite movies. His script is much smarter than you're average action flick. 

J. I'm not familiar with Sunshine, but I can see where he has a knack for the gritty style that's used in 28 Days Later and Dredd.

N. Earlier, you mentioned Dredd's gun. How fricking awesome are the Judge's guns?

J. Oh hell, that shit was bad ass as it gets.

N. I also liked that Dredd continued to worry about ammo. He didn't have a continuous supply. That little smart bit of the script made me like the movie even more.

J. Yeah, I liked how subtle that was. Often times in movies like this you find yourself asking how many bullets a gun uses, and that wasn't the case here.

N. Yeah. He kept checking his gun and even told Anderson that she needed to reserve ammo. Multiple times.

J. So having pointed out so many things were handled better than a majority of films, I felt let down by the last 1/3 of the movie. It felt entirely too predictable. I don't think anything happened that I didn't expect or see coming a mile away.

N. Yes. I agree with you completely. Not only is the ending predictable, but it happens too fast. There's a huge buildup to something big and in just a couple of minutes it's over.

J. Yep, it just kind of ended without being climactic. Oh, and before I forget...MaMa is one of the worst bad guys ever!

N. Yeah, I was really disappointed with MaMa. I love Lena Headey (Game of Thrones) and thought she'd channel her inner Circe for the role, hell even get naked. But she kind of just existed. Her backstory is great, but her "presence" isn't nearly as strong as other villains.

J. C'mon man, you mean to tell me none of her weak ass cronies couldn't take her out. Christ, she was using the shit she was selling which breaks the biggest rule of a drug dealer...don't use your own supply. Thanks to Wesley Snipes' great role as Nino Brown in New Jack City!

Scars don't make a villain. Especially when they're very over the top. 

J. Yes, her back story was really well done. Which only made it even more of a letdown when she came across as poorly as she did. 

N. I was thinking she'd be more of a physical threat too. But she never really gets her hands dirty after her introduction.

J. Nope, she barely does anything more than give orders

J. Did anything else stand out in the film for you? Good or bad?

N. I just really like the world it creates and actually really want to see a sequel. Just bigger, badder, and more action.

J. Yeah, although I had problems with the film. I want to see more and see way more action sequences.

J. We didn't talk about the 3D. What was your thought on how it looked?

N. I honestly thought it's one of the best 3D movies I've seen. There was a lot of broken glass and stuff that came out at you, but it wasn't gimmicky as you'd think. I thought the use of it, especially during the Slo-Mo scenes was done really well and heightened the experience more than anything.

J. Yeah, I had the opposite reaction to it. I admit that the Slo-Mo scenes were enhanced by the 3D, and I did like the depth that was apparent throughout, but I felt it was another case of being unnecessary. I found msyelf watching some of the film without the glasses even on.

N. It was filmed in 3D though.. which I always have to give a tip of the hat to, as opposed to post production conversion.

J. Agreed. If you are going to make a 3D film, then film it that way. Enough with the conversions!

J. So, I think we pretty much covered everything, so what grade would you give Dredd?

N. On my scale of 1-10, I'd give it a solid 7.8. What about you and your canoli system?

J. I'd go with 3.5 cannoli. People familiar with the character and fanboys are going to love it, but people wanting a non-stop action filled flick are going to be somewhat disappointed.

Dredd has a handful of flaws, but it's a terrific re-introduction to an iconic comic book character. The world the film creates is great, and Karl Urban does an amazing job as the titular character. This combination really leaves you wanting more from the world and the Judge, only on a bigger and badder stage. Alex Garland takes a beloved character and gives me the snarl and swagger you'd expect. His script and terrific visuals save a rather average action flick and makes Dredd worth seeing. I would definitely recommend it (especially in 3D).

The Good:

Karl Urban kicking so much ass with pretty pictures, plenty of blood, and a dry humor that delivers a handful of laughs

The Bad:

not as explosive or intense as you'd expect, with each mid-level action sequence never building up to anything incredible

The Ugly:

a weak ending that leaves you wanting more

Overall: 7.8/10

Trailer:

The Ultimate "Come Up With a Superhero" The Avengers Blu-ray Giveaway Contest Rafflefest

So I decided to do my first Blu-ray giveaway and figured the biggest movie of the year would be the best place to start. As a reward for helping me not only reach 100,000 views but turn this blog into something to be damn proud of, I knew I needed to throw back some of that love. 

Here's the catch. As most giveaway are about increasing followers and likes on Facebook, I wanted to switch this up a bit. Sure, those two are going to play into the entire thing, but I wanted to see what kind of imaginations all of you have. 

Below, in the comments, I want you to create your own superhero (give her/him a name) and talk about your any abilities and powers you would have, as well as your arch-nemesis. I'm looking for creativity, as well as a character I'd love to read comics about (too over the top may be too much). Try to keep it under 100 words.

Each "description" unlocks five entries into the drawing for the Blu-ray and each like on Facebook or Follow on Twitter gets you another one. Share this on either site, and you get another entry (include #cinekatz in the tweet). To round it up to an even ten, include a poorly drawn picture of your hero (made on Paint, of course) and you get another entry. Note, the only way to unlock any entries is to first post below. Simply following me already will not get you in the contest. 

Simple, isn't it? Entries will close within a week or so, as I'm going off of how many people enter more than any time limit. So, comment below, like, and tweet, and you'll find yourself one step closer to a free copy of The Avengers. 

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The winner is Stephen N (@Alienxphile) !

Guest Review: Battleship

Hey, guys. Justin from Today I Watched a Movie here. I'm taking Nick's blog over for the day and renaming it The Cinematic Katzen-Jamiroquai reviewing a film that he said he wasn't going to review (but ended up doing anyway!)*

*editor note- while I may end up reviewing it myself, I may not have the patience of Justin

**editor note note- The Cinematic Katzen-Jamiroquai is a terrific idea

In an attempt to keep things fresh, I'm not going to be emulating Nick's style or using the same format I normally do reviews in on my own site. This review is going to be stream-of-consciousness style! Don't know what that is? Basically, I'm going to write down whatever movie-related thoughts come into my head as the movie plays, noting the times before each comment.

Here we go with Battleship!

1:10 - Ahhh! What is that awful screeching? I already know I'm going to be bored if they started out with a text prologue.

2:12 - We really are living in the future if they can set up a story like this in the not-too-distant past.

2:26 - Is that Dr. Doom's snotty assistant from Fantastic Four? Why is he giving such heavy-handed foreshadowing?

3:14 - Hey! It's John Carter!

3:29 - Wow, are you sure that's the take you want to go with, new guy? I mean, they probably could have reshot it if you asked.

6:27 - This is bringing back so many memories! My favorite part of playing Battleship as a kid was when you send your ships out to find a chicken burrito.

6:53 - PRODUCT PLACEMENT! Oh, sorry. I forgot this isn't my blog.

8:31 - Thank goodness there's ice in that tub, amirite?

9:31 - Almost ten minutes in, and now they show the boats.

10:40 - Ahhh! What is that awful screeching? Oh wait, that's just Rihanna.

10:54 - I spoke too soon about the boats. Apparently now I'm watching Foosball: The Movie.

15:12 - "I don't know who you are, but I will find you, and I will sink your battleship."

18:49 - Are Rihanna and the big doofus going to stay in the background commenting on everything for the whole film?

21:44 - "What is wrong with you?"…a line uttered by Liam Neeson fans the world over when it was announced he'd appear in this film.

23:16 - The boats are back! The boats are back!

28:25 - Every time I think they boats are back, they cut to something that isn't boats.

41:06 - Almost an hour into the movie, the main plot starts. I didn't comment any more until now because nothing worth noting happened.

42:06 - Just get some submarines and go under the barrier, you guys!

42:58 - Yay! The Transformers are here! They'll save the day for sure!

44:36 - Ahhh! What is that awful screeching? Rihanna must have left one of her songs playing.

44:58 - You're really using that "I didn't sign up for this" line, movie?

46:24 - The alien ships are shooting Battleship pegs at the boats. Hopefully this is not the only reference to the game in this film.

53:04 - I'm hoping the Comedy Relief Yelling Twins will meet a swift demise right about now.

53:54 - Samus, no! Those aren't Metroids!

54:36 - Battleship, ladies and gentlemen. The movie featuring scene after scene of sports being played on dry land.

55:02 - Ahhh! What is that awful screeching? It sounds like a bunch of kids screaming.

55:55 - Every time there's a destruction scene involving roads in a movie, they're required by law to show at least one kid, silently staring in awe as it happens.

1:00:48 - At certain angles, Taylor Kitsch looks a lot like that bald kid from X-Men 3.

1:01:13 - Yeah, thanks for pointing, doofus. I'm sure Cap'n Serious here can tell there's a Halo cosplayer on the floor.

1:02:43 - "Your motivation in this scene, Rihanna, is to provide us with a couple of voiceover lines for the trailer. Think you can handle that?"

1:09:51 - Meanwhile, back on Plot Convenience Hiking Trail…

1:12:11 - Man, those are some laid back horses. Aliens running around, cars blowing up, and they're just chillin', chewin' some grass.

1:16:12 - I almost forgot Liam Neeson was in this movie.

1:16:58 - Waaaaaait. Didn't the aliens destroy the satellite when they landed on Earth earlier in the movie?

1:21:07 - Okay, here we go. Second reference to the actual game.

1:25:09 - Third reference. Those aliens are totally cheating, though. You can't move your ships after you start playing!

1:32:20 - If they insisted on letting Rihanna be in this, the nice thing to do would be to not give her any lines.

1:41:04 - These WWII veterans are making Rihanna's acting skills look bad…She was doing just fine with that on her own, guys!

1:42:29 - What is with this song? I read once that the best movie soundtrack is the one you don't notice. DOESN'T APPLY HERE, APPARENTLY.

2:00:42 - And we end this awful, bloated mess of a movie as the most misused song in the history of misused songs gets played over the credits.

2:09:36 - I was letting the credits play in the background while I edited this review a bit, and wouldn't you know it? There's an after-credits scene. Watch it if you enjoy seeing Scottish boys beating space debris with a stick.

Trailer: