Oct 6: Primal Fear

"An altar boy is accused of murdering a priest, and the truth is buried several layers deep."

Directed by: Gregory Hoblit, Rated: R, 129 minutes

Courtroom dramas are really hard to sell. For the most part, they can be very boring, predictable, and all kinds of stupid. Of course, there are a handful that are the exception (To Kill a Mockingbird, A Time to Kill, 12 Angry Men). Primal Fear can be put on the same list as those films. It's a much smaller film then the others and not quite as flashy (or as "classic"), but it manages to deliver incredible performances and tell a rather twisty story that grows more interesting as the movie progresses. Oh, and it introduces us to Edward Norton. 

Without Primal Fear, we wouldn't  have Fight Club, American History X, The Illusionist, or 25th Hour

The film follows Martin Vail (Richard Gere), a hotshot attorney who works more for the fame than for justice. He'll make deals for his clients as though they're worthless and do whatever he can to get his name all over the place. Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) is a stuttering altar boy from Kentucky. He's arrested for murdering the arch-bishop of Chicago, in a seemingly easy to close case. He's found covered in blood and with the bishop's ring in his pocket. Vail, seeing a moment to garner more fame and attention, agrees to represent Aaron, pro-bono. As the case unravels, and Vail continues to press Aaron for details of the murder, much is revealed to the shock of both the characters in the film and the audience at home.

It's a complicated film that slowly ravels, never feeling forced or 'gimmicky'

It's easy to point out the best part of the film. The acting is absolutely flawless. Richard Gere is perfect as Vail, bringing his natural charisma and machismo to a character that's all too full of himself. As he realizes there is more to the case then a quick trial, he steps up his game and proves he's as good of a lawyer as he is a braggart. His supporting crew is just as impressive, with Frances McDormand playing the sympathetic psychiatrist, Andre Braugher playing his best friend and assistant, and Maura Tierney as his paralegal. However, in the midst of all these performances (from veteran actors), the star is Edward Norton. In his first role ever, Norton is phenomenal from the get-go. The character of Aaron is much more complex than you can gather from the initial introduction, and seeing where his character goes is not only shocking but incredible to watch. Seeing as this is our first look at Norton and his ability, you can easily see how he's one of the best actors working today. 

Something about this guy pisses me the f**k off but he does (on occasion)  remind me of how great he can really be. 

I would highly recommend Primal Fear. It's a courtroom drama that packs incredible performances into a small little film. It's very heavy on the dialogue, and it's completely up to the actors to make the film as good as it is (they deliver). The dialogue is strong, the plot is engaging, and Primal Fear is the kind of film that leaves you floored at its conclusion. Even if you've seen it before, and know how it all plays out, the ending still has quite the power behind it. Edward Norton is perfect as Aaron Stampler and takes the film to great heights, throwing it well past average and into unforgettable. Gere, who I am not usually a fan of, holds his own just as well and reminds us why he's a leading man. Go find this movie as fast as you can. The courtroom never looked so engaging. 

The Good:

a simple film that goes places you'd never expect, turning a small movie into a larger masterpiece

The Better:

a supporting cast that holds their own, standing behind the very talented Richard Gere

The Best:

Edward Norton in his first role, showing that from the very beginning that he's incredible

Overall: 8.6/10

Trailer:

Aug 27: Muppet Treasure Island

"The Muppets are back into action in another movie based on a novel written by Robert Louis Stevenson. Kermit the Frog and his colleagues go on a warfare against ruthless pirates."

Directed by: Brian Henson, Rated: G, 99 minutes

Muppet Treasure Island is hands down my favorite Muppet movie. I saw it in theaters when I was  seven and have since seen it probably close to a couple dozen times. It has a special place in my heart and every time I watch it I'm constantly smiling and singing along with all the songs. To some surprise, I'm actually not the greatest at quoting movies (never have been), but to give you an idea of how much I love this film, I can almost quote it word for word, it's that special. In fact, this movie is what turned me on to the Muppets and it's been quite one hell of a relationship since. 

So perfect... So fun

The film is a re-telling of the Robert Louis Stevenson classic, Treasure Island, and incorporates our favorite felted friends into the story. Jim Hawkins (Kevin Bishop) is a young boy who inherits a treasure map from his pirate friend, Billy Bones (Billy Connolley). As he has no means of acquiring a ship, Jim enlists the help of Fozzie Bear, the son of a shipping tycoon, and becomes a cabin boy on the Hispanolia, a ship captained by Kermit the Frog. The ship's cook, Long John Silver (the perfect Tim Curry), befriends Jim and welcomes him on board as a true sailor and explorer. Of course, Tim Curry is never what he seems, and it turns out he's a pirate looking to not only start a mutiny, but steal the treasure map and the eventual gold. Kermit and crew become aware of his dastardly plot and plan to send Silver and his henchman, but Silver kidnaps Jim. Thus, Kermit, Gonzo, Rizzo and company must make their way to the island, save Jim and stop Silver from taking the gold that's rightfully theirs (kind of). While the plot is familiar, the Muppets inject a whole lot of energy and fun into the story and even add some ridiculously catchy songs. As it is a norm for Muppet flicks, the characters wink at the camera and let you know that it is indeed a movie. Each nod towards the audience is an unexpected (but expected) surprise and leaves you even more entertained, knowing full well that it is indeed a true Muppet movie. 

Similar to other Muppet movies, Gonzo and Rizzo provide an almost in-movie narrative, with tongue-in-cheek remarks

Besides the Muppets themselves, the highlights of the film are Tim Curry and the soundtrack. Curry is clearly having so much fun in the movie and he relishes in the fact he not only gets to work with Kermit the Frog, but the fact he gets to play one of the greatest villains in literature history. He's terrific as Long John Silver and every time he's on screen, you can't help but smile at how amazing he is. Along with his presence, he has one hell of a voice, and each song he sings in this memorable soundtrack makes it all even better. From "Shiver My Timbers" to "Sailing For Adventure", the soundtrack can be sung over and over again. As I mentioned, I know the words, I sing along, and I love every minute of it. Unlike most Muppet movies, this one is rather contained and doesn't feature as many cameos as their previous outings, but when you have Curry as the "star", there's very little more you need. 

Look how much fun he's having! 

As you can tell, I would highly recommend this film. Chances are (if you had an awesome childhood), you've already seen it. But the film is so damn good I implore you to revisit it and see how good it's actually stayed. The humor is for both adults and for kids and in that, the funny parts actually grow up with you. With a great soundtrack and an even better cast, Muppet Treasure Island is a must watch for all ages, genders, races, creeds, and species. 

The Good:
seeing our favorite Muppets in another movie, based off the classic book
The Better:
memorable songs that you can't help but sing along with and that even linger in your mind for days afterward
The Best:
Tim Curry... where has this man's career gone!? 

Overall: 9.3/10

Trailer:

I couldn't find a great trailer for the movie, so I included the first song from the film. 

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Aug 19: The Rock

"A renegade general and his group of U.S. Marines take over Alcatraz and threaten San Francisco Bay with biological weapons. A chemical weapons specialist and the only man to have ever escaped from the Rock attempt to prevent chaos."

Directed by: Michael Bay, Rated: R, 136 minutes

Well before the Transformers movies, Michael Bay made a couple of decent action flicks. Sure, all of them were over-the-top, riddled with stupid humor, and have more holes in the plots than a Swiss cheese donut, but they're still pretty damn entertaining. After following the success of Bad Boys, Bay made The Rock, a Nicolas Cage vehicle with a little Sean Connery thrown into the mix. The movie isn't awful, by any means, but it's extremely dated and has plenty of flaws the biggest being that Cage plays a chemical biologist, a career the man has never had his name attached to before this film. 

Cage and his balls.

The Rock follows General Francis X. Hummel (Ed Harris), a retired military hero who has taken control of the island of Alcatraz in an attempt to scare the government into giving dead soldiers proper burials and their families compensation. The man clearly has good motives but his plan, launching a deadly chemical into the heart of San Francisco, turns the man into a terrorist. A special forces team of Navy Seals is enlisted by the FBI to infiltrate Alcatraz with the mission of stopping Hummel and his men. Of course, being a bloated action movie and all, Stanley Goodspeed (Cage) enters the picture as the man that has to come along because he's an expert concerning the chemical, even though he has absolutely no field experience. If you think about it, this a lot like what would have happened had Seal Team Six (who took out Osama) had a man tag along with them who's only experience with the mission was the fact he visited Pakistan when he was 12. Of course Cage and the ELITE NAVY SEALS can't do the mission on their own and have to enlist the help of John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery), the only man to have successfully escaped the rock in its entire history. And yes, what you're thinking is true. The U.S government (at the stake of national security) figure that the best way back into a place is to hire the man who broke out of it. Genius idea, government. Bravo.

Oh, that's right. It's mother f**king Sean Connery you hire. My apologies. 

While I didn't love The Rock as much as I did after previous viewings, it's still pretty good. However, my biggest complaint with the film is its lengths. Michael Bay has a habit of making "big ol' blockbusters" nearly two and a half hours and in doing so, really makes the movies drag on. The Rock is no exception and a large chunk of the movie feels like it was just thrown in for length and not substance (surprise!), especially toward the beginning when so called "character development" was thrown in to give more depth to the film. And for some reason, the US government found it be a genius idea to bring in an over-the-top flamboyant stylist into the mix to fix Connery's ragged look and long hair. Bay loves throwing in these little stupidities and at this point in my movie-watching "career", I can't really ignore them like I used to. Besides that, however, Cage and Connery are both good in their roles as they really just f**k about, doing whatever the hell they want. The Rock is a good reminder that Cage used to be able to carry an action flick as opposed to the crap he churns out every 15 minutes these days. The Rock also features some great special effects and chase sequences that use practical effects, as opposed to the constant CGI that now gives Bay constant hard-ons. This is one of the film's biggest strengths and a nice reminder of how movies used to be made, even if it was just 15 years ago. 

Coming in 2013: The Rock II: The Rock Rocks the Rock the Musical (featuring rock and roll covers of Disney songs)

I would definitely recommend The Rock as a mindless action movie to watch on a rainy day (by now, many of my recommendations are for rainy days so we can only pray for another 'Great Flood'). It's a great film to watch with your dad or even your son on a weekend when you're too lazy to do stuff around the house or you just feel like doing nothing. Keep in mind, it is a Michael Bay film and is far from a masterpiece, but it's enjoyable enough to recommend. It's also one of Connery's last films before he got pissed off at the world and retired from acting so seeing him hangout with Cage is quite the treat even if the characters they play are more than shallow. Watch it, enjoy it, and move on. Oh, and Ed Harris is f**king incredible. 

The Good:

solid action throughout the film with a nice chase sequence and plenty of explosions (all done with mostly real effects)

The Bad:

not enough of that action as there is way too much fluff stuffed inside the action bag

The Cage:

tame at times, neurotic when needed

Overall: 7.1/10

or

Three and a Half Cages out of Five

Got to love the voice-over

June 3: Mars Attacks!

The Earth is invaded by Martians with irresistible weapons and a cruel sense of humor.

It is always sad watching a movie you remember loving as a kid and then, only now, realizing how bad of a movie it really is. Some times, these films should just stay in the crevices of your younger mind, lingering simply to thoughts of nostalgia. Okay, enough of the sermon and onto the review. Mars Attacks! is a very bad movie. Packed with nearly every star that was relevant in 1996, the film attempts to be a spoof of the old sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s, even channeling Tim Burton's earlier inspiration in Ed Wood. However, Mars Attacks! does not come off as clever, or spoofy?, just bad. The film does not spoof the films of yesteryear and instead mimics and duplicates them in horrible ways. 

The guys at Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have a field day with Mars Attacks!

To give you an idea of how "grand" the film tries to be, just take a look at the cast. The movie stars Jack Nicholson, Glen Close, Pierce Brosnan, Natalie Portman, Christina Applegate, Jack Black, Annette Benning, Danny DeVito, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Martin Short, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Rod Steiger, and yes, even Tom Jones. It's absolutely ridiculous that so many people (most of them at the peaks of their careers in 1996) came together to make this film. You would also think, that with this much talent, the film would be much better than it is. However, even then, you can't put the blame on the cast, because for the most part, they all know it's bad, and just have fun with what little script and ideas they were given. The plot tells the story of a Martian invasion on earth and shows what happens at all corners of the country. Nicholson plays the president, and while don't think I could ever see the Joker in the Oval Office, his attempt at being the Leader of the Free World is one of the few entertaining aspects to the film. I could go on and explain who every person plays, but then this review would be ten pages long and certainly the most tedious read. And, it really doesn't matter either. Each actor pops up here and there, with his/her encounter with the aliens in some way or another. It's here where the plot suffers, as the constant jumping around just makes everything a much bigger mess than it already is. The film implodes in on itself, as the weight of the cast and the over-the-top attempt to be some satirical spoof of Old Hollywood ruins the film. 

But even as bad as the film really is, I will always love the Ack-ing, Nitrogen breathing aliens who turn people into Christmas skeletons with their death rays. 

If you have already seen Mars Attacks! and have fond memories of the film like I used to, I would definitely recommend skipping a new viewing of the film. Let it lay in the past as something enjoyable and move on to bigger and better things. If, however, you have never seen the film, I won't say it's worth watching. I certainly cannot say the movie is great and while I attempt to think of any suggestions on what could have been changed to make it better, I draw a blank as the film is really too bad to be fixed. I know that Tim Burton has a huge love for older movies, especially the sub-genre, cult "classics" and I know his attempt to pay homage to those same films was filled with respect and his own case of being a fan-boy, but I cannot praise the film for those aspects alone. 

The Good:

the martians look good and are pretty amusing

The Bad:

a complete lack of a solid script and what little there is, is messier than the inside of a space helmet after an alien's head explodes inside

The Ugly:

wondering if this mega-cast "comedy" was a precursor to the likes of Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve, or even a foreshadowing that no matter how many stars you pack into a turd, it's still a piece of shit... just shinier

Overall: 3.5/10

Trailer:

*NEW FEATURE

* 

Discussion:

After watching Men in Black last night and Mars Attacks! tonight, I am thinking of doing an alien movie week, leading up to Prometheus next weekend. Thoughts? Suggestions?

March 21: From Dusk Till Dawn

"Two criminals and their hostages unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires, with chaotic results." 

   From Dusk Till Dawn is one of my favorite horror movies of all time, and arguably one of the best vampire flicks ever made. The film has cheesy, yet glorious special effects, George Clooney AND Harvey Keitel, and all sorts of weapons you'd only find in the commando version of the Bible (crucifix shotgun, anyone?). The film is nonstop action with a clever and very funny script, written by master of dialogue- Quentin Tarantino. From Dusk Till Dawn is directed by Robert Rodriquez, who has gifted us with Sin City, Machete, Desperado, and of course, Spy Kids. The film reeks of style, in the best way, and only two insane geniuses like Rodriquez and Tarantino could create such a damn good movie. 

Next Up: A Slave-Western-Revenge Tale with an epic cast... f**k... yes.

   The plot is simple, two criminals on the run kidnap a man and his two kids, and decide to lay low in a little bar in the middle of nowhere. Things start to get... strange, and the group soon realize the bar they've found themselves in is a den of vampires. Mind you, these vampires are blood thirsty, super-fanged, steroid pumping beast-things, and not some sparkly little pale kids with fascinations with blood. Oh, and Salma Hayek plays the mama vampire... and it's hot. 

Before: With snake and sexy Hayek-ness

After: Apparently after absorbing the snake through her skin

   Overall, From Dusk Till Dawn is a thrilling, violent, and absolutely entertaining ride. The film has the perfect amount of blood and cheese, and has everything you could ask for in a vampire movie. Keep in mind, this was made well before the current obsession with vampires, and even then, it's a billion times better than half the shit Hollywood keeps churning out. I would highly recommend From Dusk Till Dawn if you haven't seen it already (shame on you!). 

The Good:

makeup is the special effects... not crappy CGI

The Better:

George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino surprisingly playing off each other with "buddy-cop" chemistry

The Best:

vampires done right

Overall: 8.8/10

Best Quote:

Jacob: Does anybody know what's going on here? 
Seth: I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there, trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood. And that's it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw, is fucking vampires. Now, do we all agree that what we are dealing with is vampires? 
Kate: Yes.  

Trailer: