April 7: The Ward

"A thriller centered on an institutionalized young woman who becomes terrorized by a ghost."

   According to The Ward, any girl sent to a mental institution in the 60's had to be insanely attractive. Even the ghost, whose story unfolds in flashbacks, was once a hottie herself. I wasn't around in the 60's, but maybe it was a completely different time where the uglies roamed the streets and the hotties were locked away, downing pills and getting electrocuted (for science!). Regardless, The Ward's attractive cast is certainly distracting and, instead of having itself taken seriously like Shutter Island, it falls into the "blonde bimbo being chased by a killer" genre. Films set within the walls of an insane asylum are usually creepy in some way, because of the setting alone, but The Ward is not one bit scary and fails to even raise the hairs on the back of your neck. 

I'm...so... startled...

   There really isn't anything good about The Ward. It's a shame too because, at the helm is John Carpenter, the master of horror who gave us The Thing and Halloween (still scares the shit out of me). It's hard to imagine that someone that good could make something so bad, and you wonder if he even has anything left in his old little body. I actually struggled to get through the film because it was so boring and predictable. Each scare was placed exactly where you think it would be and the ending is so idiotically cliche and over-used that you see it coming from the opening credits. It's baffling that someone who made one of the most suspenseful movies of all time in Halloween can't even build up a couple of moments in The Ward to bring you to the edge of your seat. 

While just looking at this guy's face makes me shit myself a little bit. 

   I would not recommend The Ward at all, as the entire thing is just a cliche, wannabe piece of horror. Insanely predictable and lacking in scares, The Ward isn't even worth watching on a rainy Saturday. The film is so close to being bad enough to make fun of, but it never crosses the line into campy entertainment. It's just a poorly made horror film with good production value and acting just decent enough to let you know it's not a film school project. The Ward is certainly no return to form for John Carpenter and it's sad to say he is definitely past his prime. 

The Bad:

ridiculous story you can predict every step of the way

The Ugly:

realizing we will never again get anything as good as Halloween from Mr. Carpenter

The Awful:

a horror movie with no horror, just whores

Overall: 2.3/10

Trailer: