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The Cinematic Katzenjammer: Jan 11: Final Destination 5


Jan 11: Final Destination 5

"Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there's no way you can cheat Death."

   Now, I have always somewhat enjoyed the Final Destination movies. The first two, I truly believe are good movies. However, after the third installment, the series has spiraled down into a ridiculous, gory, gimmicky abyss. Ever since the reboot of 3D (yes it's a reboot- it's been around since the 50s), horror filmmakers believe it's all about the stuff that pops out at you. This is where everything goes wrong. 

Because it's totally believable that a shark flies over an audience. 
     The Final Destination movies have never been about the story or the acting...and never ever about the script; but, at one point, a film stops being a film and becomes a montage of death. Final Destination 5 has sunk to that level, where it really is no longer a movie. The story is exactly the same as the others, with a handful of attempts at "twists". 

I cracked the code!

  Final Destination 5 is, in my opinion, the worst of the franchise. I cannot even critique the script, as I feel one was not even on set. I think the director just told the actors which person was going to die, and they had to improvise up to the point the special effects guys stepped in. Speaking of effects, they screamed "I'M A GREEN SCREEN!" and the gore was flung at your face like a chimpanzee throwing it's poo across the zoo yard during monkey recess. 

My shit's Final Destination? Your face. 
   The usual saving grace in any horror film is an attractive lady, to who we can project our frustrations on. Final Destination 5 is not only lacking in that department, but presents us with a couple of very unusual looking ladies. The female lead looks like the love child of Sylvester Stallone (lazy face and all) and a puffer fish while another girl looks like a stretched out munchkin. One would think that because of their looks, they were cast for their acting abilities; but, in fact, any acting ability is completely absent. The film flat-lines in every category, and at only 90 minutes in length, I would have rather watched a bunch of fail videos on YouTube. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about shit being flung at my face.

Sight: The effects were so campy and over the top ridiculous I couldn't even try to take this movie seriously. It belongs in an amusement park where the seats shake and air blows in your face. 
Sound: Thinking back, I do not even remember any of the music in the film. I can't even give credit to the sound effects, as I assume they are just recycled from the first four films. 
Skill: No.
Script: Double no.

Overall: 2.7/10

Best Quote: 
Peter: "Wait a minute. We kill someone, we get their life?"

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