Feb 3: Frozen

"Three skiers are stranded on a chairlift and forced to make life-or-death choices that prove more perilous than staying put and freezing to death."

   Frozen is a movie that's not bad, but not great... just average. The premise is unique and the whole idea adds a lot to the film, but the dialogue and resulting actions are just a little too weak to make this a great movie. The acting by the stranded three is pretty good, and all three are rather likable, even if the choices they make are ridiculously stupid. The actors are all familiar as it's the kid from Air Bud, Iceman from X-Men and the girl who played the sister of the annoying blonde whore in The Walking Dead. 

I pray to the writers this woman becomes zombie food...now. 

   One thing I have to give the filmmakers credit for is that the film is shot entirely without the use of CGI or green screens. The actors were actually sitting 50 feet above the ground, suspended in a lift. Some of the crew weren't even able to do some of the work because they were afraid of heights. Imagine what King Kong would have looked like if the director couldn't even handle a ladder. 

Little do the people below know, a giant ape is somewhere above. 

   Frozen is the kind of movie that deserves props for being what it is. It's a solid effort to make an original survival story but it all seems to fall flat in the end. There just isn't a lot you can do sitting in a ski lift for 90 minutes that makes for a compelling movie. The only added suspense (besides the obvious of being stranded in the air) is wolves, and even they just play a small part in the film. The whole thing kind of gives you a chill, from the graphic scenes (broken bones and frostbitten hands) to the fact that the characters are literally freezing their asses (and hands and toes and faces) off. The film has scenes that psychologically get under your skin, but the way it all plays out just takes that extra "bite" out of the horror of it all. 

The Good:

Original idea with solid acting and a handful of cringe worthy moments

The Bad:

The execution of that original idea and the weak dialogue

The Ugly:

Falling asleep with your bare hand holding onto a metal pole, only to wake up with it frozen to it

Overall: 5.8/10

Best Quote:

Wolf #1: (howls)

Recommended Related Awesome:

Buried- for the similar claustrophobic feeling 

The Edge- Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin fight a bear

Into the Wild- Emile Hirsch needs to be in more movies

127 Hours- Mr. Franco cuts off his arm, you see it happen (spoiler: it's gross)

The Way Back- a trek across an entire continent... beautifully shot

P.S Apparently completely frost bitten hands are still able to tightly grip things and wolves are very populous in New England 

Jan 11: Final Destination 5

"Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there's no way you can cheat Death."

   Now, I have always somewhat enjoyed the Final Destination movies. The first two, I truly believe are good movies. However, after the third installment, the series has spiraled down into a ridiculous, gory, gimmicky abyss. Ever since the reboot of 3D (yes it's a reboot- it's been around since the 50s), horror filmmakers believe it's all about the stuff that pops out at you. This is where everything goes wrong. 

Because it's totally believable that a shark flies over an audience. 

  

     The Final Destination movies have never been about the story or the acting...and never ever about the script; but, at one point, a film stops being a film and becomes a montage of death. Final Destination 5 has sunk to that level, where it really is no longer a movie. The story is exactly the same as the others, with a handful of attempts at "twists". 

I cracked the code!

  Final Destination 5 is, in my opinion, the worst of the franchise. I cannot even critique the script, as I feel one was not even on set. I think the director just told the actors which person was going to die, and they had to improvise up to the point the special effects guys stepped in. Speaking of effects, they screamed "I'M A GREEN SCREEN!" and the gore was flung at your face like a chimpanzee throwing it's poo across the zoo yard during monkey recess. 

My shit's Final Destination? Your face. 

    

   The usual saving grace in any horror film is an attractive lady, to who we can project our frustrations on. Final Destination 5 is not only lacking in that department, but presents us with a couple of very unusual looking ladies. The female lead looks like the love child of Sylvester Stallone (lazy face and all) and a puffer fish while another girl looks like a stretched out munchkin. One would think that because of their looks, they were cast for their acting abilities; but, in fact, any acting ability is completely absent. The film flat-lines in every category, and at only 90 minutes in length, I would have rather watched a bunch of fail videos on YouTube. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about shit being flung at my face.

Sight: The effects were so campy and over the top ridiculous I couldn't even try to take this movie seriously. It belongs in an amusement park where the seats shake and air blows in your face. 

Sound: Thinking back, I do not even remember any of the music in the film. I can't even give credit to the sound effects, as I assume they are just recycled from the first four films. 

Skill: No.

Script: Double no.

Overall: 2.7/10

Best Quote: 

Peter: "Wait a minute. We kill someone, we get their life?"