Jan 7: Hobo with a Shotgun

"A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun."

   An epic title and an epic poster, Hobo with a Shotgun proves to be one hell of a ride. Imagine being on a roller coaster, all shoddy, with pieces of metal hanging off and rattling. The whole thing looks like a mess, yet you still decide to get on board. The roller coaster slowly inches its way upward, it's not as bad as you think it would be. Then the ride turns completely around, and you go speeding forward, blood showers down on top of you as the ride goes out of control. You feel sick, you feel disturbed, yet a part of you enjoys it and can't stop screaming and laughing. By the end of it, you feel a sense of entertainment and shame, and are kind of glad it's over. Then, you realize how absolutely ridiculous the whole ordeal was and just forget about it. That's pretty much Hobo with a Shotgun.

   It's like how you used to play Roller Coaster Tycoon

   

   Rutger Hauer plays the titled Hobo, and he actually plays it pretty well...minus the subject matter. He's a drifter that stumbles into a town run by an evil man and his two sons. The town really has nothing going for it and, apparently, limbs and body parts are insanely fragile. Hands break like twigs, body parts get smashed like vases, and heads pop off like Pez dispensers. Oh, and people bleed like their blood is Diet Coke and a simple cut is a Mentos. Blood seems to geyser out of bodies from just a little paper cut. 

No dogs were harmed in the making of this awful Photoshop

   The dialogue is just as insane as the gratuitous violence. Nearly every line I wanted to include as the best quote would not be remotely appropriate, nor would any one believe me who has not seen the movie.

   The entire thing is a bloody car wreck that you can't look away from. The film features human pinatas, manhole and bumper car decapitations, and even a pedophile Santa. These ridiculous elements of the movie are just small parts of the mess, the rest is even more ridiculous if you can believe it. The movie is really bad, but in a way, really worth at least one little peek. 

Sight: The movie is colored like some stained glass window on acid, all for the old time-y grindhouse feel. It's kind of distracting, but then again, so was every pulpy movie made before 1984.

Sound: It has a soundtrack that fits the "genre" with the cliche deep bass lines and a synthesizer that sounds like it's being used by the first time by some over excited sound man.

Skill: Campy acting to fit the mood and violent atmosphere. This is the kind of movie the Oscars lock in their basement and only feed lotion and Triscuits. 

Script: Every single line is absolutely awful and hilariously ridiculous. 

Overall: 4.2/10

Best Quote: Watch the movie and see for yourself.