Jan 23: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

"Master sorcerer Balthazar Blake recruits a seemingly everyday guy in his mission to defend New York City from his arch-nemesis, Maxim Horvath"

   The Sorcerer's Apprentice, or as I like to call it, The Talented Mr. Cage (as I call all of his wonderful films), is a special effects cheese fest of almost awesome crap. Yes, quite the mouthful, but there is really no other way to describe this movie. The film has nothing going for it but the special effects (and Mr. Cage), and that fact seemed quite obvious to the producers. They knew that they had a turd and they figured if they could make it as shiny as possible, it would "magically" make it a good movie. 

In the end, it's all still poo. 

   Nic Cage stars as Balthazar, a thousand year old sorcerer who needs to find a kid or something to help him fight this super witch that killed Merlin. Yes, that Merlin. The fact that the writers thought they could kill Merlin to begin with is baffling. As we all know, Merlin is arguably the greatest wizard ever so having him killed off in the first five minutes of a lame Disney movie is pretty much a sin. That's like killing Gandalf in the first five minutes of The Lord of the Rings, it's just unforgivable. Hell, Snape even knew to wait until book seven to kill Dumbledore.  

XI: Thou shall not kill off badass wizards until hefty screen time is given. 

   Since this is the first movie of "The Glorification of the Great Nicolas Cage" week, let's focus on his magnificence. Nic Cage proves, again, that he is a man of many faces. I was totally compelled by his performance as a sorcerer and now  know I must bask in his glory. Otherwise, he'll fireball my ass. He completely became Balthazar and I could not look away. Disney knows that a movie so heavy on the CGI needs a man like Cage. He is, after all, the world's greatest special effect. 

The only human to win the Best Special Effects Oscar. George Lucas would be proud. 

  Overall, The Sorcerer's Apprentice is just another cash cow for Disney that uses special effects as the plot device. Jay Baruchel plays the titled Apprentice, and channels his inner Micky Mouse with a decent amount of likability, but the story and the characters are just a back burner to the visuals. The movie is really not awful, in any regard, it just doesn't live up to its magical name. 

Overall: 5.3/10

Sight: Well, since the whole film really is about the special effects, I guess it's good?

Sound: Let's have a OneRepublic song play over and over and call it a score.

Skill: Nicolas. F**king. Cage.

Script: I didn't know there was one. I guess it was hiding under all that magic. 

Best Quotes:

Nic Cage: "Love is a distraction. Sorcery requires complete focus. "

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Nic Cage:  "You will not control your magic if you will not control yourself."

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Nic Cage: "I am a badass sorcerer and make equally bad ass movies." (paraphrasing)