Oct 29: Rock of Ages

"A small town girl and a city boy meet on the Sunset Strip, while pursuing their Hollywood dreams."

Directed by: Adam Shankman, Rated: PG-13, 123 minutes

Had Rock of Ages simply been a continued succession of covers of awesome 80s rock songs with absolutely no story to tie everything together, it would have been great. Instead, in between each rock anthem we must suffer through awful acting and even worse dialogue that's riddled with every damn cliche in the book. However, Tom Cruise delivers an incredible performance and makes the majority of the film something worth watching, even if everything else is disgustingly bad. I seriously considered turning the movie off but after Tom Cruise's introduction and performances, I had to see this thing through. 

Thank you, Xenu. 

Rock of Ages starts off with the doe-eyed innocent Sherrie (the terrible Julianne Hough) arriving in L.A to start her own music career. Immediately after getting off the bus she gets a job at the very popular rock-bar, The Bourbon Room, owned by Dennis (Alec Baldwin) and Lonny (Russell Brand). Of course, being young and "beautiful" attracts the attention of all sorts of men, and another aspiring musician, Drew (Diego Boneta) falls in love with her. After just a few moments on screen, the two are madly in love with each other and will do whatever it takes to see the other one succeed. Then comes Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), performing one last time with his band, Arsenal, at The Bourbon Room. Through a series of misleading situations, Drew believes that Sherrie slept with the rock legend and the two part ways. This and that happens, the two meet here and there, and a bunch of songs are sung along the way. Of course, it all builds up to the inevitable coming together of everyone (poorly) singing "Don't Stop Believing".

Don't f**k with Journey. 

Rock of Ages is a movie set in the 80s that's in serious need of cocaine. It's complete absent of the sleaze and smut that surrounded the 80s rock scene and glosses over everything for the PG-13 rating. It also has a severe lack of rock and roll cameos (where's Jon Bon Jovi!?). The love story at the core of the film is completely lacking of any emotion or depth and manages to give a certain vampire movie a run for its money for "worst love story ever". Julianne Hough is best known for her... part? in Dancing with the Stars and being Ryan Seacrest's girlfriend and her acting ability is non-existent. Even with casting a dancer you'd think the filmmakers would use that to her advantage, but Hough dances in about one scene and that involves her swinging around a stripper pole. Diego Bonata, the male lead, has less charm than Zac Efron and is far from leading man material. Each scene that focuses on either of these two falls very flat and you grow incredibly impatient, hoping to see another moment of Tom Cruise. 

Keep pitching Proactive, Hough. That's as far as you'll go. 

Rock of Ages has a terrific soundtrack that features songs from Bon Jovi, Journey, Poison, Foreigner, and more. Many of the covers are genuinely fun, but seeing them being act out on screen feels a little out of place for the most part. Hough and Bonata lack any real charisma or singing voices to bring the songs home. Cruise, however, is wonderfully surprising and completely captures the essence of an 80s rock god. Doubting his singing abilities would be anywhere near good enough to carry the film and sing these ballads can immediate fly out the window and once you see him on stage screaming, you have to admire the man. As I have stated before, I don't care for the man in his personal and private life, but on screen he continues to remind me how badass he is. Rock of Ages is no exception and without his presence, the film would suffer even more. 

Paul Giamatti pops up here and there as well and absolutely nails it as the sleazy music agent/producer. 

Rock of Ages is a decent movie but never manages to find its focus. You can clearly tell the film is based off of a Broadway musical as the movie jumps from set piece to set piece, with a very weak story tying it all together. You'd think that on a cinematic level, each musical sequence would be greater and grander, but it lacks the punch and oomph that, I would assume brings greater energy on stage. Tom Cruise is incredible as Stacee Jaxx but his scenes are indeed far and few between and had the focus been on the aging rock legend instead of the two loveless love birds, Rock of Ages could have easily been something great. Instead, the film flaps its musical wings to no avail, and leaves you with an usual desire to play Rockband or Guitar Hero. 

The Good:

Tom Cruise rocking it like it's 1984

The Bad:

a script that allows no moments of depth and is packed with terrible dialogue

The Ugly:

Hough and Boneta sogging down the film with their lacks of charisma, chemistry, or star power

5.6/10

Discussion Question:

What does it take to successfully adapt a stage musical to the screen? Is it more about the glam and glitter or is it more about the set pieces and staging?

Trailer:

May 19: Minority Report

"In a future where a special police unit is able to arrest murderers before they commit their crimes, an officer from that unit is himself accused of a future murder."

Minority Report is one of Steven Spielberg's best movies. It's one of the best sci-fi movies I have ever seen and it paints one hell of a picture for a not-so distant future. Cruise is at his best, showing how big of an action star he is and how good of an actor he can be. The film tells the story of John (Cruise), a cop whose department (PreCrime) has the technology to see crimes before they happen, using the "precogs". When one of the precogs predict John will commit a murder, he goes on the run, doing whatever he can to prevent it from happening while trying to clear his name. 

The precogs are pretty much oracles in a bathtub. 

Besides the smart and original script (based on a story by sci-fi genius Philip K. Dick), the best part of Minority Report is the visuals. The special effects are mindblowingly good, and watching the film in high definition is a completely new experience. Spielberg's idea of the future blends so much of what is familiar today, with plausible ideas that could really happen within the next 50 years. This perfect combination only heightens the story, and it's never too over the top to be distracting. Minus the scary idea of a PreCrime police department, Minority Report leaves a future to be very excited for. Along with these incredible special effects, Spielberg crafts tight, fast-paced, and thrilling action sequences that remind you he's the same man who made Jurassic Park and Indiana Jones. 

He looks like my uncle, which means I'm totally almost kind of related to him. 

I would highly recommend Minority Report. It's one of the best sci-fi movies I have ever seen and it's crafted by a master story teller and adventure creator in Spielberg. With great special effects, a terrific cast (support by Colin Farrell, Neal McDonough, Max von Sydow), and an incredibly original story, Minority Report cannot be missed. Do yourself a favor and rent it, buy it, or even download it. It's worth it. Ah, the precogs just told me you certainly will do whatever it takes to watch it. And yes, I ended this review with a horrible joke. 

The Good:

great action sequences filmed in an amazingly creative idea of the future

The Better:

an intelligent and fresh story that shows a blockbuster action movie can be much more than explosions, giant robots, and hot chicks who can't act

The Best:

amazing special effects that create a future I'd love to see

Overall: 9.5/10

Trailer:

May 12: Knight & Day

"A story of a girl who gets mixed up with a spy trying to clear his name."

Knight & Day is fun ride that cannot be taken seriously. It's entertaining, with great action sequences and explosions, but never transcends the fact that it is merely a formulaic spy flick. Luckily the action, stunt-work, and exotic/world-wide locations makes Knight & Day enjoyable to watch. Tom Cruise continues to prove he's still the movie star we've come to know. He's kicking ass, shooting thugs, and continually being beaten up, all while smiling and reeking of charisma. He never stops entertaining and, while his personal life may be somewhat bat-shit crazy, I will continue to watch his movies. 

Yeah, he's going to play a rock star. See here.

Knight & Day's plot follows all of the cliches of a spy "thriller". Someone gets caught up in a whole lot of something (in this case Cameron Diaz's June), whose seemingly only way out of the mess is to ride along with Roy (Cruise), a secret agent spy man who's trying to keep a genius safe. The genius has created a battery that never needs charging and can prove to be a constant source of energy. Of course everyone wants this battery, so it's up to Roy to keep it safe, along with watching over the clearly incompetent and panicked June. All in all, the plot really doesn't matter, as it's the nearly constant action that makes Knight & Day worthwhile. 

Although I really hate Cameron Diaz...

Like I mentioned, I really don't like Diaz, but she's just good enough in this role to ignore her flaws (although she's still pretty annoying). Her chemistry with Cruise is actually pretty good, but I still would have liked to see other actresses in the role. Overall, however, Knight & Day works in its own little way and, while not being anywhere near the quality of say, the Mission Impossible films, it's a mindless popcorn movie with more than enough entertainment. 

The Good:

great action sequences showing of Cruise's abilities to kick ass and play it insanely cool

The Bad:

an inconsistent plot used merely as a way of tying together each bit of action

The Ugly:

Cameron Diaz... she's not hot... I don't understand her "star-power"

Overall: 6.7/10

Trailer:

Jan 9: Mission: Impossible- Ghost Protocol

"The IMF is shut down when it's implicated in the bombing of the Kremlin, causing Ethan Hunt and his new team to go rogue to clear their organization's name."

   Mission: Impossible- Ghost Protocol, or as I like to call it Mission: Incredible- Epic Awesome, was one of the most entertaining movies I have ever seen. Oh, and I saw it in IMAX, which just made it an even cooler experience. I saw it all on a four story screen and felt the blast of every explosion in my loins. Actually, that could have just been the the stud and badass who is Tom Cruise. Haters gonna hate, but that man knows how to make a movie. 

Oh God, he can read minds now!

  Tom Cruise continues to kick so much ass that you don't even realize he's 49 years old. He throws himself off of buildings and avoids explosions at half a century old, while I hope that, at that age, I can walk up the stairs without getting winded. Cruise takes a constant beating throughout the film. He's launched through the air into a skyscraper, falls stories onto tops of cars, gets hit by cars, crashes cars, and well, him and cars don't get along well. This is all happening over the course of a few days. I complain and act like a baby when I stub my toe, so I can't imagine the pain he felt "saving the world". Oh, and he climbs the tallest building in the world with power gloves.

He's a middle age Spider-Man without the cracking voice.

   Now His Badassness Cruise doesn't carry the movie alone. His supporting cast is perfect. Simon Pegg kicks the most butt since Hot Fuzz and Jeremy Renner shows that he has what it takes to grab the reins to the Bourne Franchise. He has a specific scene that is an obvious throwback reference to the first Mission Impossible. Paula Patton, who I had never even heard of before seeing MI-GP, is not only gorgeous, but she easily holds her own with the guys. 

You were expecting a picture of the lady, weren't you?

  The entire movie was amazing and I am very happy I saw it in IMAX, not that it wouldn't look good on any big screen. From the eye-catching and clever open credits to the ending (there could be more!), I was entertained. The now classic Mission Impossible theme is strung throughout the movie and brought a smile to my face every time I heard it. I knew that awesome was coming. The stunts performed were some of the coolest I have ever seen and I am now more than positive that there needs to be a new Oscar category specifically for the work done. I cannot recommend this movie enough. 

Sight: A wonder to the eyes, the stunt work is incredible and the special effects are mind blowing. 

Sound: There is a good score by the always impressive Michael "I Scored Up" Giacchino, and the sound effects are just as impressive. 

Skill: The fact that Tom Cruise does most of his own stunts should say enough. With an excellent supporting cast, Cruise isn't the only thing carrying the movie. 

Script: Not a lot of twists and turns in the script, but the dialogue is funny between the team and their chemistry works well. 

Overall: 9.4/10

Best Quote: 

Anything and everything Simon Pegg says. 

Running © Tom Cruise, Every Movie Ever