Aug 26: The Amityville Horror

"A family is terrorized by demonic forces after moving into a home that was the site of a grisly mass-murder"

Directed by: Andrew Douglas, Rated: R, 90 minutes

Melissa George is a sexy woman. She's got curves and "attributes" that make her incredibly attractive. However, for some reason or another, she consistently plays characters where she's perpetually in distress, crying or screaming and losing sight of her children. While I can't go out on a limb and call her a great actress, it wouldn't hurt to see her smile once in awhile. With The Amityville Horror she continues this pattern to a rather annoying effect. It's a remake of a film that wasn't even too great to begin with (surprise!), and follows every horror cliche in the book. What makes it watchable is the performance of Ryan Reynolds (who I have continued to praise even through all his hate). As he completely loses control on his life and his family, it's creepy as hell to watch.

One of the twelve times Melissa George has actually smiled. 

George (Ryan Reynolds) and Kathy Lutz (Melissa George) find a beautiful home in Amityville, New York. It's huge, it's on the water, and it has everything they could ask for in a home to raise a family. They even manage to buy the home at a ridiculously low price, to much concern of George, who questions why something so great goes for so cheap. Soon after moving in, the Lutz family begin encountering strange things throughout the home. Magnets rearrange themselves on the refrigerator, George begins hearing voices, and blood seems to seep through the walls. Clearly something is wrong with the home and Kathy finds counsel in Father Callaway (Philip Baker Hall), who tells her that the home was the scene of a grizzly murder just over a year ago. Ronald DeFeo killed six family members one night after hearing voices telling him to do so. As George has become increasingly distant to the family, Kathy noticed he had taken refuge in the basement, where he too has said to hear voices. Fearing the worst, Kathy believes her kids are in danger around George and she must find a way for all of them to leave the home and save George from a quasi-possession before it's too late. While this story is incredibly familiar to most horror movie watchers, this really is where a lot of those cliche possession stories began. The Amityville Horror is based off of an actual murder that happened in 1974 and while the film tends to monetize off of the crime, the actual events are still ridiculously creepy. As for the film, it never really captures the fear of the real-life danger the house is said to hold, but it still has a handful of creepy moments that leave you a little unsettled. 

Wondering about the actual murders unfolding is creepy as f**k. 

The best part of the film is Ryan Reynolds' George. Witnessing him slowly lose grip on reality and spiral into a creepy state of rage is eerie to watch. I have always been a staunch supporter of Reynolds and enough though the film isn't terrific by any means, I feel his performance lifts it out of awful. It's also worth noting that The Amityville Horror is a rare kind of horror movie in that it's actually rated R. As opposed to the horror movies that come out lately, that are rated PG-13 to bring in a larger audience, this film embraces its R rated and in doing so, has much more blood scares than anything else. As George loses his sanity, he begins seeing visions of ritualistic murders that happened in the basement of the home, and each sequence is cut with a psychotic energy and flashes of blood. 

Yes, it suffers from the "little creepy girl" cliche... 

The Amityville Horror is worth a watch, in my opinion. If you really think about the story behind the actual event, the film tends to be much creepier than just a stand alone movie. Sure, there's not a lot going on throughout the film, and the ending is quite disappointing, but the idea behind it all makes the movie even more uncomfortable. The film is a remake of the 1979 film of the same name (which wasn't really great in its own right), and it's tough to argue which one is better. As fall approaches and a horror obsession sweeps in through your open window, The Amityville Horror would be a decent movie to watch as the autumn chill crawls up your spine. 

The Good:
Ryan Reynolds performance
The Bad:
a story that doesn't really have a lot going for it...
The Ugly:
...and wondering where it could have gone had it actually had the balls to do so

Overall: 6.3/10

Trailer:

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Pick Six- Ryan Reynolds

I have decided to start a new article I hope to continue, called Pick Six, where I pick my favorite six movies by any given actor, in no particular order (on occasion it might be six casting ideas, directors, etc.). With my review of Safe House just posted, I figured I would start with Ryan Reynolds. This is a guy I have followed since his days on Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place and who is continuing to prove to be a very capable actor. He's not just the guy we can go to for a bit of sarcasm and a laugh anymore. 

Directed by: Rodrigo Cortés, Rated: R, 95 minutes

Starting off the list, and by far my favorite Ryan Reynolds movie, is Buried (past review here), the 2010 underrated gem that shows how great Reynolds can be and that he's actually a damn good actor. Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, an American contractor working in Iraq who is captured and buried alive inside a wood coffin. Buried is one of the most suspenseful movies I have seen and makes for the most claustrophobic film in recent memory. When Reynolds is the only actor on screen for 90 minutes, a lot of faith needs to be put in his abilities as an actor. Luckily, he completely delivers. Buried also features incredible camerawork with angles and tricks that leave you baffled as to how they made it work. One of the best movies of 2010.

Directed by: Rob McKittrick, Rated: R, 94 minutes

Waiting is one of the best movies to accurately depict the life of working in a restaurant and the struggles to get through each day. Reynolds plays Monty, an experience waiter at Shennaniganz, a TGIF/Bennigans knock off. The film follows Monty and the rest of the staff as they introduce a new member, Mitch, to the team and the "dark" underbelly of a restaurant where no one gives a damn. If there is any film on this list that Reynolds fits best, it's Monty. He's completely believable as the sarcastic, fake-nice lead waiter who's more than okay with going nowhere in life. He's found his niche and he's willing to spend the rest of his life in it. Hilarious and raunchy as hell, with one hell of a cast, Waiting is worth a watch if you haven't seen it already. 

Directed by: John August, Rated: R, 100 minutes

The Nines is probably the one movie on this list that no one has heard of. But, it's also the most unique film on this list. It's one of Reynolds' first attempts at a true dramatic role and, in the case of The Nines, he actually plays three different characters. The film is rather difficult to explain without giving too much away, but it reminds me a bit of Memento and even Magnolia. While the film isn't as amazing as the two I just mentioned, it's still incredibly unique. It's a movie that's all about the performances, and; Reynolds leads a great cast. Directed by longtime Tim Burton collaborator John August, The Nines is the perfect blend of drama, curiosity, and just the right amount of weird. 

Directed by: Walt Becker, Rated: R, 92 minutes

It's hard to mention Ryan Reynolds without thinking of National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Sure, the film isn't the greatest and it hasn't necessarily aged as well as you'd think, but it's the breakout role for Reynolds. Without it, we would probably be seeing a lot less of him. Reynolds plays the title character, another slacker perfectly okay in his niche, who throws parties for anyone, anywhere, simply because he can. He falls in love with a girl (Tara Reid when she used to be hot) and then wonders if he has been putting off graduating way too long. Van Wilder is certainly not the most profound or even well-guided comedies, but it's a nice bookend to the raunchy comedies of the late 90s. 

Directed by: Greg Mottola, Rated: R, 107 minutes

Adventureland sees Reynolds playing a very small, supporting role as Mike, an employee at the Adventureland theme park. The film itself is a coming-of-age story based off of director Greg Mottola's real life experiences of growing up in the late 80s and working in a job he could care less about. Again, Reynolds plays the guy who's simply settled with his existence and gives advice to the seasonal employees who come and go with each summer, while he lingers around. Adventureland is a very funny movie with a lot of heart but suffers from the fact it can't quite decide on what genre to stick in. Jesse Eisenberg leads a well rounded cast (minus the ugly and talent-less Kristen Stewart) that also features SNL vets, Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader as the husband and wife owners of Adventureland. 

Directed by: Marcos Siega, Rated: PG-13, 87 minutes

Chaos Theory is a rather unusual movie and an underrated gem. Reynolds plays Frank Allen, an organizational expert who helps others get their shit together and function better in their day-to-day lives. When he decides, out of the blue, to stop being so strict with his scheduling, habits, and note cards; Frank's life spirals out of control in glorious fashion. He learns the value of love and friendship and, in the chaos that ensues, Frank realizes that order and organization are not always the keys to a good life. Reynolds (plus a beard this time) fits the role of Frank brilliantly, bringing his charisma and physical comedy to an otherwise, mundane dramedy. It's seeing the wound up, over-controlling Frank lose all control that makes Chaos Theory entertaining to watch. 

Ryan Reynolds Rundown:

I have reviewed:

Buried

Safe House

Paper Man

The Change-Up

Green Lantern
The Amityville Horror

Average Rating: 6.38/10

July 7: Safe House

"A young CIA agent is tasked with looking after a fugitive in a safe house. But when the safe house is attacked, he finds himself on the run with his charge."

Directed by: Daniel Espinosa, Rated: R, 115 minutes

There is really nothing original about Safe House. Every twist and turn in the story is predictable right out of the gate and turns the movie more into a series of strung together action sequences, removing all suspense and thrill. Sure, it all looks nice and those action scenes are filmed rather well, but when you have the same run-of-the-mill everything, it's hard to really enjoy the movie as something fresh and "game-changing". However, I honestly would watch anything that Ryan Reynolds is in and it is fun watching him kick a lot of ass as a "secret agent". He has a lot of range in his acting and seeing him do something completely different is a nice change of scenery. I really can't think of any moment in Safe House where Reynolds actually cracks a joke or even smiles really.

He's trying, dammit!

Safe House follows Matt Weston (Reynolds), a young CIA agent who's trying very hard to be more than just a measly little safe house keeper and actually work in the field. His superior, David Barlow (Brendan Gleeson), promises Weston that he's close to getting promoted and to just wait it out a little longer. Of course, sitting around a safe house with Reynolds for 90 minutes wouldn't be the most action-packed movie. Thus, enter Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington), an ex-CIA specialist, now a most wanted criminal. Frost is brought to Weston's safe house until he can be extradited to the United States. But, within minutes of his arrival, the house is attacked and the only thing Weston can do is take Frost on the run with him, eluding capture by the bad guys and finding another safe haven to lay low. Weston figures this is his chance to show the big guys up top at the CIA that he has what it takes to be a field agent and swears to bring Frost in himself. However, Frost tells Weston that there may be a compromise in the CIA (surprise, surprise) and that he has the evidence to prove it. Thus, a game of wits ensues, and as an audience, you're trying to figure out if Frost is telling the truth or not, right alongside Weston. Unfortunately for Safe House, this plot "twist" has been used way too many times and makes for a rather uninteresting ride. 

The same twist also featured in every season of 24. Every. Single. One. 

Even with its massive flaws, Safe House does still provide some forms of entertainment. The action is tight, brutal, and filmed very well, and each beat-down and shoot out is very reminiscent of the Bourne films (although, what action isn't anymore?). Reynolds does a fine job as Weston and he's certainly determined and even built enough to be believable as a man who can kick ass. He's rough around the edges, as is any fresh-out-of-the-farm agent, but still manages to not only dish out some woop-ass, but takes a hell of a beating as well. Denzel Washington adds very little to the movie as Frost, a character not as developed or even as sinister as you'd think the villain should be. I feel his presence is strictly for his name and that his performance, while solid, is a weaker rendition of his usual badass self. Safe House also features a handful of other great actors including Vera Farmiga, Sam Shepherd, Liam Cunningham, Robert Patrick, Joel Kinnaman, and the previously mentioned Brendan Gleeson,  but none of them are on screen long enough to really be game changers. 

And while I f**king love this man, his American accent is atrocious. 

I would neither recommend or tell you to skip Safe House. It's fine where it is, in the in between, as it really doesn't elevate to great levels nor does it fall into the shit. For the most part, it's an action film with a whole lot of energy and is pretty fun to watch. However, with a script as unoriginal and unimaginative as it is, Safe House really struggles at being more than just those action sequences. Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington both give fine performances (with Reynolds actually out-acting Denzel), but the characters they inhabit lack the depth to make them all that interesting. It's also worth pointing out that Safe House is about the seventh film for Denzel that focuses way too much on having a blue and orange color palette, making everything he does just blend into one colorful mess. 

Why so orange, Mr. Washington?

Oh yeah, that's why. 

The Good:

Ryan Reynolds showing us that he can dish out a beating as well as take one, and that he's more than just a smooth-talking jokester

The Bad:

a script that's so predictable you can't even attempt to ignore it (hopefully that's not just me watching too many movies)

The Ugly:

that same script destroying an otherwise enjoyable movie that really had the potential to be something more than just your regular, average day action flick

Overall: 6.2/10

Trailer:

Re-watch? Maybe

Buy? No

May 31: Paper Man

"A washed-up writer forms an unlikely friendship with a teenager from Long Island."

Paper Man is a fine display of how off-the-rocker a man can become when a bad case of writer's block completely overwhelms his life. The man is certainly not the most likable, by all means, and even comes across as rather creepy, but with the film's heart and imagination, a lot can be forgiven. Paper Man is a fine example how a little indie film can be saved by a star-studded cast and makes you wonder how bad it would have turned out if a bunch of no name actors experience self-loathing, middle age frustrations, and an odd fascination with a rare game hen. Starring Jeff Daniels, Emma Stone, Lisa Kudrow, Kieran Culkin, and Ryan Reynolds, the film certainly surprises. First time directors Michele and Kieran Mulroney are incredibly lucky to have such talent in their directing debut and I strongly believe without the cast, Paper Man would be a very, very, sub-par film. 

I mean, who else but Ryan Reynolds could play Captain Excellent?

Yes, Reynolds is in a cheap superhero suit every time he appears in the film. He actually plays Richard's (Jeff Daniels) imaginary friend that he has had for his entire life. Richard is struggling with so many aspects of his life (career, marriage, etc.) and his only friend, Captain Excellent, seems to be the only constant throughout his mid-life super crisis. When he moves into a new house in a little town, he meets Abby (Emma Stone), a teenage girl he hires to babysit, even though there is actually no child around. You'd think this would be a red flag of creepy, but Abby goes along with it, even gets paid, and the two begin a rather awkward, but cute?, friendship. As Richard continues to struggle writing a new book about the last bird of a species, he learns to grow up (again), find courage in himself and his work, and even let go of a friend who's stuck around for way too long. 

Even if we all know he'll never truly grow up

Paper Man is good, but it is nowhere near incredible. It never escapes the fact that it is, indeed, a low budget indie film and while it has a hard time avoiding certain cliches, it still is very entertaining. It is as heart-warming as it is quirky and odd. Jeff Daniels is terrific as Richard and makes me wonder why the man has not been in a lot more. Emma Stone shows she can definitely act and is much more than a raunchy comedy queen. Ryan Reynolds, as always, is hilarious, and the few moments he graces the screen are not only memorable, but very absurd. He now has, I believe, three superheroes under his belt and I can only assume he's begun a fine little collection. I would definitely recommend Paper Man, especially if you're a writer or just someone struggling to find some creative inspiration. 

The Good:

The entire cast that saves a plot that could have turned ugly had it starred other people

The Bad:

the film's plot is a little hairy, as are the characters, especially Richard, who comes off as a little too creepy

The Ugly:

wondering how many first time filmmakers never get the opportunity to have such great actors starring in their directing debuts

Overall: 6.8/10

Trailer:

March 25: Green Lantern

"A test pilot is granted an alien ring that bestows him with otherworldly powers, as well as membership into an intergalactic squadron tasked with keeping peace within the universe." 

   Next to Batman, Green Lantern is one of my favorite superheroes and thus, I highly anticipated this film. I first watched it when it was first released and I felt very neutral about it. I think my love for the character hindered my ability to see through the mess of the film and now, after re-watching it, I have learned the error of my ways. Green Lantern is a horrible film that completely tarnishes the Emerald Knight and all of the incredible mythology wrapped around him. After finishing the film, I felt very similar to how I felt after watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- a beloved character brutally murdered by poor writing and over-the-top special effects. 

Rest in peace, Dr. Jones... rest in peace

  If you look at Green Lantern on paper, you'd think there's a masterpiece in the works. Starring Ryan Reynolds, Marc Strong (Sinestro... hell yes), and directed by Martin Campbell, one would think nothing could go wrong. Somehow, it does, and it gets worse the more you watch. Now, Reynolds is Hal Jordan, the ace fighter pilot who becomes the Green Lantern and he fits the role perfectly, bringing his natural charm and charisma to the part. But, even then, it can't save the film. Martin Campbell directed Casino Royale and you would think that the action sequences would be at least similar to those in the Bond flick. Everything's just too over-the-top, including the special effects, and it completely takes away from any sense of danger or peril given by the action, as well as the human factor to the Green Lantern as a superhero. The film really should have been named Green Screen, because everything is computer generated. 

$200 million right here

   Green Lantern could have been so much better. The stars were aligned and a good man was at the helm, but clearly all of the budget went to making it look pretty and not on the script. It may be that the mythology of the Green Lantern is just too vast and deep to ever bring it to film in the proper way. One of the weakest parts of the script is having to explain how everything happens, who everyone is, and why it's all happening. The film does have a post-credits scene building up to a sequel that could be badass, and it teases you about what could be. Here's hoping all the mistakes of Green Lantern will be repaired by its sequel and that The Emerald Knight can have the movie he deserves. 

The Good:

Ryan Reynolds does the best he can with what he's given and I fully believe his casting was very smart

The Bad:

the film is about 80% CGI and it's more of a video game than a movie

The Ugly:

a disgustingly bad script with awful dialogue

Extra Ugly:

Blake Lively continually trying to act and being taken seriously

Overall: 4.8/10

Best Quote:

No, nope, never, nay, not going to happen

Trailer:

Feb 18: Buried

"Paul is a U.S. truck driver working in Iraq. After an attack by a group of Iraqis he wakes to find he is buried alive inside a coffin. With only a lighter and a cell phone it's a race against time to escape this claustrophobic death trap."

  Imagine one of the most terrifying things you can think of... chances are, on the list somewhere is the thought of being buried alive. Now, imagine being trapped inside a small box, six feet in the ground, and having absolutely no way to get out on your own. Time is running out and you can't even scream without wasting what precious oxygen is left around you. You scratch and claw away at the box, thinking somehow that will do something. You imagine, if you break through, how long you'd have to dig through the dirt before the weight collapses in on you. Before, all around you, each "wall" folds in on itself and you can't even move, let alone breathe. You're completely trapped and have seconds left to live. Then you wake up. It was all a dream. You're drenched in sweat but let out a huge sigh of relief. Unfortunately, in the case of Ryan Reynolds in Buried, nothing is a dream. 

Pinching yourself won't get you anywhere, Mr. Reynolds. 

   Buried is extremely successful in its execution. Who would have thought that a 95 minute story, filmed completely inside a coffin, could not only keep your attention and interest, but have the entire ordeal be terrifyingly claustrophobic and effective. I really am amazed at how they even filmed the thing, as certain camera angles and movements are baffling, and you wonder how it's all done. There is a scene where the camera turns around 360 degrees inside the coffin and I am still wrapping my head around how it was filmed (magic?). The camera is practically the second character in the coffin with Reynolds and without the incredible work, Buried would just be a gimmick idea some production company thought could work. 

It's pretty much the kind of movie Gandalf would make after graduating film school. 

   Now the camerawork may be the best thing about Buried but, close behind is Ryan Reynolds' performance. For years, I always knew Reyolds was more than just a funny guy and that real acting chops were hiding behind his "charming" smile. Buried is the perfect example of his ability and I am disappointed that he didn't get as much recognition as was warranted. He's a man trapped in a coffin, with a lighter and a cellphone, and you cannot help but completely feel for him and his situation. It only intensifies because it feels like you are racing against time alongside him. I really could not see anyone else in the role and am very happy to see Reynolds putting out this quality of work. 

I can now forget Blade Trinity... and The Amityville Horror... and The Change-Up...

   Overall, Buried simply works. A far-fetched idea executed by a genius director makes Buried one of the best and most underrated films of the last few years. Its premise may be "out-there" and the claustrophobia scares the hell out of you, but its execution is brilliant. Everyone involved deserves some sort of an award, even if it's just a t-shirt that says "I Buried Ryan Reynolds and all I Got was this Dirty T-Shirt" (made of gold, magic and amazing). I highly recommend Buried and applaud the filmmakers and Reynolds. This film has balls and does so many new things that it needs to be seen. 

The Good:

expertly capturing the sense of claustrophobia I have never seen in a film before

The Better:

Ryan Reynolds' performance and him finally showing the world he can act his ass off

The Best:

Magical camerawork I can only assume to be the work of the Film Gods

Overall: 9.3/10

Best Quote:

Paul Conroy: (on phone) "No, no I'm not a soldier. I'm a truck driver. Just a contractor."
Jabir: "Contractor?"
Paul Conroy: "Yeah. A contractor. Not a soldier. I'm just a truck driver. That's all."
Jabir: "You are American?"
Paul Conroy: "Yeah."
Jabir: "Then you are soldier."

Jan 18: The Change-Up

"Dave is a married man with two kids and a loving wife , and Mitch is a single man who is at the prime of his sexual life. One fateful night while Mitch and Dave are peeing in a fountain when lightning strikes and they switch bodies."

   The Change-Up is a movie that does not quite know what to do with itself. In the beginning it's raunchy and even disgusting but, towards the end, it finds a heart and almost turns into some generic romantic comedy. The movie is advertised as "over-the-top" and that it crosses the line over and over, but it seems like the entire trailer was composed of scenes from the first thirty minutes. It's almost as though the writers got in trouble or something a third of the way through the film, and their punishment was to turn The Change-Up into a PG-13 schmooze fest. 

"But I don't wanna make a chick flick..."

     The film does have a few moments worth a chuckle, but nothing memorable. Ryan Reynolds plays a character similar to those he had before he was famous and "respectable" (see, Van Wilder). Jason Bateman also plays the same kind of character he's used to- the up tight, nervous man constantly on the move. Because of that, it all just seems too forced. Sure, the gimmick is that they switch bodies and play the opposite of what we're used to seeing, but the two have now done such a wider range of work that this film isn't as good as it could have been five years ago. Imagine if Lindsay Lohan made a film where she was not only good looking again, but relevant... yeah, it would never work.

This Herbie is fully loaded... with cocaine and regret. 

   The Change-Up is a movie with poor pacing and writing. I really can't decide what kind of film it wants to be. It's not, by all means, a terrible movie, but a confused one. In that confusion, it really loses what it was supposed to be- a raunchy adult comedy that not only crosses the line, but pisses on it like a drunken fool. The acting is one of the only positive things about the film, and even then, it's dated. Certainly there are worse things to watch than The Change-Up, but even then I can only recommend it if you really have nothing else to watch and are desperate for a laugh. Keep in mind that there are twin babies in this film that not only poop, self-mutilate, and cry, but also throw knives and lick outlets. This is all done with the glory of CGI that's as bad as the shit in Adam Sandler movies.

Sight: Horrible knife throwing computer babies and a way too pregnant naked body included, The Change-Up has absolutely nothing special going for it in the sight department. It does have Olivia Wilde in the cast, but yet again, her forehead is distracting. 

Sound: A hard R-comedy turned rom-com, one can only imagine the sappy soundtrack of this film. 

Skill: The movie has fitting and slightly humorous performances by the two leads, who are just a little too old for their roles. 

Script: The Change-Up is seemingly two films in one, and because of that, the script is an absolute mess and never comes together like it should have. 

Overall: 4.8/10

Best Quote: 

Mitch: "Growing up we both had dreams. Dave wanted to be an astronaut, I wanted to sell dolphins on the black market. But found that's hard to do. We live in Atlanta... dolphins are hard to find... "