Jan 18: The Change-Up

"Dave is a married man with two kids and a loving wife , and Mitch is a single man who is at the prime of his sexual life. One fateful night while Mitch and Dave are peeing in a fountain when lightning strikes and they switch bodies."

   The Change-Up is a movie that does not quite know what to do with itself. In the beginning it's raunchy and even disgusting but, towards the end, it finds a heart and almost turns into some generic romantic comedy. The movie is advertised as "over-the-top" and that it crosses the line over and over, but it seems like the entire trailer was composed of scenes from the first thirty minutes. It's almost as though the writers got in trouble or something a third of the way through the film, and their punishment was to turn The Change-Up into a PG-13 schmooze fest. 

"But I don't wanna make a chick flick..."

     The film does have a few moments worth a chuckle, but nothing memorable. Ryan Reynolds plays a character similar to those he had before he was famous and "respectable" (see, Van Wilder). Jason Bateman also plays the same kind of character he's used to- the up tight, nervous man constantly on the move. Because of that, it all just seems too forced. Sure, the gimmick is that they switch bodies and play the opposite of what we're used to seeing, but the two have now done such a wider range of work that this film isn't as good as it could have been five years ago. Imagine if Lindsay Lohan made a film where she was not only good looking again, but relevant... yeah, it would never work.

This Herbie is fully loaded... with cocaine and regret. 

   The Change-Up is a movie with poor pacing and writing. I really can't decide what kind of film it wants to be. It's not, by all means, a terrible movie, but a confused one. In that confusion, it really loses what it was supposed to be- a raunchy adult comedy that not only crosses the line, but pisses on it like a drunken fool. The acting is one of the only positive things about the film, and even then, it's dated. Certainly there are worse things to watch than The Change-Up, but even then I can only recommend it if you really have nothing else to watch and are desperate for a laugh. Keep in mind that there are twin babies in this film that not only poop, self-mutilate, and cry, but also throw knives and lick outlets. This is all done with the glory of CGI that's as bad as the shit in Adam Sandler movies.

Sight: Horrible knife throwing computer babies and a way too pregnant naked body included, The Change-Up has absolutely nothing special going for it in the sight department. It does have Olivia Wilde in the cast, but yet again, her forehead is distracting. 

Sound: A hard R-comedy turned rom-com, one can only imagine the sappy soundtrack of this film. 

Skill: The movie has fitting and slightly humorous performances by the two leads, who are just a little too old for their roles. 

Script: The Change-Up is seemingly two films in one, and because of that, the script is an absolute mess and never comes together like it should have. 

Overall: 4.8/10

Best Quote: 

Mitch: "Growing up we both had dreams. Dave wanted to be an astronaut, I wanted to sell dolphins on the black market. But found that's hard to do. We live in Atlanta... dolphins are hard to find... "

Jan 3: Cowboys & Aliens

"A spaceship arrives in Arizona, 1873, to take over the Earth, starting with the Wild West region. A posse of cowboys and natives are all that stand in their way."

   Cowboys & Aliens is pretty much exactly that, and only that. There really is no plot and not a whole lot going on except for the fact that gunslingers are really fighting off a bunch of steroid-pumping E.T's.

   Daniel Craig plays the main "cowboy", and he plays it so boring and stoic that I didn't really care about him. He uses the same old American accent he uses in all of his other movies, Road to Perdition, Munich, etc. and it leads me to assume that he thinks we all speak the same. I guess I can't hold that against him because every British accent I attempt is just "ello guvna". But still... he gets paid millions of dollars and a trip to McDonald's breaks bank for me.

Dammit, Bond, stop being an ass.

   One thing the movie has going for it, is that the special effects are very good. A lot of cool, pretty explosions and some decent looking alien beefcakes run rampart throughout. The action scenes are filmed fairly well, even though you question the actual material itself. A bunch of Apaches fighting aliens with spears and hatchets? And winning? It is all absolutely ridiculous.

   The actors are cardboard, reciting their lines with no emotion. Harrison Ford looks old and his grumpy attitude is more annoying than anything. It just makes you miss the days of him killing Nazis and fearing snakes, and the sound of his whip crackling in the air. Olivia Wilde, the "love" interest, is also straight faced and boring. Most people know her as the hot actress from House, but in Cowboys & Aliens, she's rather plain looking and her co-star is her forehead, which tends to shine in its supporting role.

Her forehead refused to comment.

   One would think that the title alone would draw massive crowds to the box office, but that was not the case, and I now see why. Sure the title is badass because it is where you can imagine James Bond and Indiana Jones teaming up to fight aliens, but this "close encounter" turned into one mess of a film. Here's to looking forward to next year's follow-up, Gran Torino 2: Space Jam Invaders, starring the only cowboy in town, Mr. Eastwood himself.

Sight: Pretty cool special effects and WWF aliens

Sound: Nothing really memorable here, and the sound effects seem to be from 1940

Skill: Boring and stale acting all around, not a single performance memorable

Script: Just like the acting- absolutely boring and not much of a plot at all

Score: 5.9/10

Best Quote:

Meacham: "Don't yank on it, it's not your pecker" (as he's teaching someone how to shoot)