Oct 3: Hellraiser

"An unfaithful wife encounters the zombie of her dead lover, who's being chased by demons after he escaped from their sado-masochistic Hell."

Directed by: Clive Barker, Rated: R, 94 minutes

Have you ever watched a movie for the first time, well after its release, and hated yourself for waiting so long to finally see it? Well, that happened with me today with Hellraiser, the Clive Barker horror classic that introduces Pinhead and the Cenobites, terrifying beings ripped from the depths of hell. By no means is this a perfect movie but with mind-blowing special effects, a f**ked up imagination from one of the greatest horror writers of our time, and more blood than you can imagine, Hellraiser is too much fun to hate.

 Even if you have never seen the movie, you know who this twisted piece of shit is. 

Julia (Clare Higgins) is an awful wife. Completely fallen out of love with her husband, Larry (Andrew Robinson), she continually fantasizes about his brother, Frank, with whom she had an affair with. After Julia and Larry move into an old house (one previously occupied by Frank), things begin to get weird. After a bad cut spills Larry's blood onto floor of an empty attic, a dead Frank is resurrected, feeding off of the blood. Frank has apparently escaped Hell and the evil beings known as the Cenobites, after a cursed box summoned them, putting Frank into an incredibly violent prison, as he's tortured over and over. What emerges from the attic floor is far from a human Frank, as he's mutilated and fleshy, covered in blood and goo. After Frank reveals his identity to Julia, she promises to do whatever it takes to make him human again, which in this case, is to give him gallons and gallons of blood. As her adulterous ways continue, she lures unsuspecting men to her home, where she "sacrifices" them for Frank, and he slowly regains his form, skin, and identity. After the Cenobites hear of Frank's escape from Hell, they begin their search for him as well, entrapping Julia and Larry's daughter, Kirsty (Ashley Laurence). 

This is one of the more PG-13 images of Frank. You can only imagine the rest. 

The best part of Hellraiser is the violence, blood, and special effects. There are many moments where you're blown away by what's unfolding on screen, both intrigued and disgusted. Frank's "resurrection" is a feat on both a technical and grotesque level, combing practical effects, gooey gore, and puppetry to an effect I have never seen. Seeing this man emerge from hell and slowly regain his body is the highlight of the film, and each time we see him (with a little more skin on his body) you marvel in the transformation. The Cenobites, who unfortunately don't make an appearance until the end of the film, are all twisted and f**ked up in their own ways. Pinhead, the leader and most recognized, is a man with needles coming out of his head and has a chest that's trying to hold itself together. The others are even more creative, with a teeth-chattering demon (creepy as hell), a goggled-eyed fatty, and a seemingly constantly moaning Cenobite bring the gang together. There's also plenty of creatures that share the screen with this baddies and each of them is just as messed up in their designs, but oh so glorious in the special effects.

Chatterbox is something pulled directly from your nightmares. It's what would happen if you combined an Alien with a little chattering teeth toy. 

As does any horror movie of the 80s, Hellraiser has really bad acting. It's cheesy and weak, but fits the genre in its own weird way. One of my biggest complaints of the film is the character of Julia, who's adulterous and supposed to be sexy, but Clare Higgins is far from attractive. She's the only one on screen who shows a little skin, and seeing this is a twisted horror/slasher film, I was hoping for some more "eye-appealing" nakedness. Her character is also incredibly unlikable (which I guess is the point), but when you have a movie that's so messed up, you really need a beacon of hope. Ashley Laurence does a decent job as the teenage horror queen, but she still leaves you wanting more. 

More as in.. you know

All in all, I am very excited I finally watched this movie. It's ingenious in its sick and sadistic ways, and it's really hard to believe something like this was ever even made. Clive Barker is a master of horror and Hellraiser is easily his greatest creation. Not only did he develop these characters in his head but he managed to bring them to life on the screen, in the way (I imagine), only their creator is able to do. I would highly recommend Hellraiser, but only to those who are not weak in the heart and can stomach some rather very disgusting moments. It's the perfect movie to get in the mood for Halloween and I actually can't wait to watch the sequels. 

The Good:

mind-blowing special effects that scream 80s horror, in the most glorious and over-the-top fashion... oh, and there's so much blood

The Bad:

really bad acting that distracts more than adds to the camp

The Ugly:

Clare Higgins... literally, she's ugly

Overall: 7.6/10

Trailer:

Sept 21: RoboCop

"In a dystopic & crime ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him."

Directed by: Paul Verhoeven, Rated: R, 102 minutes

I think it's fair to say that director Paul Verhoeven has carved a brutal little place into my heart. The man knows how to make a movie, be it a sci-fi action flick (Starship Troopers), a sex-filled melodrama (Showgirls), or a Arnold-led Mars manhunt (Total Recall). Of course, we wouldn't have any of those film without RoboCop, the breakout hit of 1987 for Verhoeven that proves the man has a way with not only special effects, but glorious, glorious amounts of gore. Verhoeven manages to turn an otherwise forgettable and campy idea into an instant 80s classic and delivers a movie that's worth every bit of your time as anything that comes out today. 

F**k and yes. 

RoboCop follows Alex Murphy (Peter Weller), a cop in a futuristic, crime-raped Detroit. His department continually gets bad news, with cops dying each day with no hope for containing the crime and serving justice. A company, called OCP (Omni Consumer Products), led by the greedy Dick Jones (Ronny Cox), takes over the police force in hopes of implementing a new breed of street security and turning Detroit into a utopia of freedom and peace. OCP introduces the idea of an automated police force, run by robots and machines to get the dirty work done. After Murphy is left for dead by a group of criminals led by Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith), OCP turns him into RoboCop, a cyborg cop with metal armor, targeting sights, and all kinds of gadgets. Imagine if you will, that Inspector Gadget was given a full body suit and a gun and you get RoboCop. As RoboCop proves to be a useful asset to the city, stopping robberies and rapes, he begins to discover the truth behind the entire project he's a part of as well as the identities of the men behind his attempted murder. 

"Can you fly, Bobby?"

As I mentioned, RoboCop is incredibly violent. Yes, it's very over-the-top and gratuitous, but it all works wonderfully. When the movie is set in a no-hope, crime-ridden city, you need the violence in order to show had bad it all really is (plus it's fun). Along with the bloody bits, RoboCop completely delivers in the special effects department. Utilizing my favorite thing in the world- practical effects- the film has an added level of camp AND realism. The effects for RoboCop himself are superb, and once the helmet is removed and we see Peter Weller as a half-man, half-cyborg creation, you keep looking around the edges for flaws in the makeup and SFX (note: you can't find any). RoboCop's story may not be the strongest thing in the world, as it really just turns into your ordinary revenge idea, but it's execution is so awesome you can't help but cheer along for the ultimate good guy and eagerly anticipate the brutal end of all his enemies. 

Toxic waste makes everything fun. 

I would highly recommend RoboCop in all of its glory. In all of the blood, the film clearly has a message at its core that highlights the violence in America and our desensitizing to it all. While the message isn't as profound or prophetic as some films can be, it's clearly hiding underneath the shiny, gory overcoat. All in all, the movie is too much fun to miss out on and with the remake approaching slowly, it's definitely worth re-visiting. 

The Good:

ultra-violence with a good deal of humor, all thrown into a really f**ked up world

The Bad:

a smart plot that's able to disguise the fact it's really not that deep

The Ugly:

the slightest worry that the remake will be nowhere near as violent or awesome as the original

Overall: 7.7/10

Trailer:

Sept 12: The Princess Bride

"A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather)."

Directed by: Rob Reiner, Rated: PG, 98 minutes

As some of you may know, The Princess Bride is my favorite movie of all time. I never get tired of it, watch it whenever it's on TV, and quote it on a near daily basis. Thanks to the glorious people at Tugg (I'm plugging it because it's awesome, no sponsorship here), I was able to catch this perfect little movie on the big screen, something I was never able to do as the the film came out two years before I was born. All day I was antsy and excited, eagerly anticipating seeing Westley, Inigo, Fezzik, Buttercup, Humperdink, Count Rugen, and everyone else in an actual theater, with hundreds of The Princess Bride lovers like myself. All of my favorite (FAVORITE) movies I've been hesitant to review, as I never know if what I can say will do such films justice, but seeing this bad boy on the big screen has encouraged me to attempt such an endeavor. So here it goes, my review of The Princess Bride. 

Also, as inconceivable as it may be, I did participate in a blogathon where I re-cast this film with pre-1965 actors as well as (God forbid) a remake if it had to happen. Check it out here. 

For those of you that don't know the story (shame on you!), The Princess Bride follows Westley (Cary Elwes) a farm-boy turned 'pirate' who returns to his home and seeks his one true love, Buttercup. After Westley doesn't return from his quest to "seek his fortune", Buttercup resigns herself to his death and reluctantly agrees to marry the evil Prince Humperdink (Chris Sarandon). After she is kidnapped by Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), Inigo Montoya (Manny Patinkin), and Fezzik (Andre the Giant) who plan on murdering her and blaming the death on a neighboring country in order to start a war for Humperdink, Westley, dressed in black, mask and all, chases after them and plans on rescuing his love. Through a series of events, Westley earns the respect and trust of both Inigo and Fezzik, and the three storm Humperdink's castle after he's recaptured Buttercup. What unfolds is a tale of "fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, and miracles", all told by a grandfather (Peter Falk) to his grandson (Fred Savage). 

He's the grandpa we all want to read stories to us. 

The Princess Bride is a rare kind of film, as its entire approach is that of live (and campy) effects, witty dialogue, plenty of action, and more humor than you'd believe. There's really nothing like it and it's one of the main reasons I love the film so much. Adapted from a book by William Goldman (who also wrote the screenplay), the movie creates a world so full of vibrant characters that exists somewhere between the world we know and a fantastical realm we read about in fairy tales. For instance, it references real places like Australia and Greenland, but then has rodents of unusual size (R.O.U.S) scavenging about in the Fire Swamp. It's a genius method of storytelling as it's essentially our world injected with romanticizing themes full of adventure and peril. It's also worth mentioning that the score, composed by Mark Knofpler, is just as entertaining, being just as memorable as the rest of the film, especially the fact that each 'action' in the film is hit with a sound of music that highlights the humor. 

The movie also features the greatest sword fight of all time. Ever. Period. 

Of course, a movie like this would be nothing without its perfect cast. Cary Elwes is the perfect hero, combining a bit of Robin Hood with a dash of piracy and a bit of Musketeer. Westley's motive of true love is something pure and simple, and everything he does is worth rooting for. Robin Wright does a great job as Buttercup and tip-toes the line of damsel in distress and feisty heroine brilliantly. All she wants is for her love to return and nothing (or anybody) can stop her from getting that. The star of the show, however, is Manny Patinkin. His Inigo Montoya is iconic in every sense of the word and his subplot of revenge is a large driving force of the film. He's superb as the Spainard seeking vengeance against the Six-Fingered Man (Christopher Guest), and every line he mentions is immediately quotable, especially, of course, the "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" line. His partner in crime, Fezzik, is played by Andre the Giant, a man so unique in size and nature that you can't help but remember him. The duo's pairing leads to a large part of the film's humor and seeing them work off of each other is magnificent. The Princess Bride also has incredible supporting actors, from Wallace Shawn's off the hinges, "Inconceivable" shouting Sicilian, Vizzini, to Chris Sarandon's ultimate jerk, Humperdink, who gives you absolutely nothing to cheer for. Oh, and there's a hilarious Billy Crystal thrown in the mix. 

He's onscreen for maybe five minutes, and each second is side-splitting funny. 

There's so much charm and humor to The Princess Bride that it's incredibly hard not to love. Whenever I've told anyone that it's my favorite movie, I usually get an odd look of "Okay...?" or a huge smile in agreement. It's almost universally loved and referenced and all of the fans of the film (that I know) are die-hard lovers of the movie. I can't begin to express in words how much I love this movie. It's unique and original and full of energy, imagination, and life, and captures a feeling very, very few films have been able to accomplish. In the past, I always thought I was bias when talking about this film, as it's my favorite, but after re-watching it on the screen with a theater packed full of fans like me, I am now more certain than ever that The Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever made. 

Overall: 10/10

Trailer:

Aug 14: Raising Arizona

"When a childless couple of an ex-con and an ex-cop decide to help themselves to one of another family's quintuplets, their lives get more complicated than they anticipated."

Directed by: Joel & Ethan Coen, Rated: PG-13, 94 minutes

Raising Arizona is one of the most entertaining screw-ball comedies of all time. It's the Coen brothers debut in the black comedy genre and puts together a terrific cast full of over-the-top cartoon characters that find themselves in deeper than they hoped. The film is delightfully original and tells a story so bizarre and strange that you can't help but enjoy every moment of it. And, being Cage Week and all, Raising Arizona gives us one of Cage's breakout performances and he's never been better. 

Awwww yeah.  

The story follows H.I (Cage), an ex-con, and his wife, Ed (Holly Hunter), a cop. The two are blissfully married and have the seemingly perfect life. H.I has straightened out his life for his new love and promises to do whatever it takes to make her happy. When they discover that Ed is barren and cannot have children, the two try every legal mean possible to have a child of their own. However, H.I's "checkered background" prevents the couple from adopting. Meanwhile, in their little south western town, the Arizonas, Nathan (Trey Wilson) and Florence have just given birth to quintuplets. H.I and Ed see this as their opportunity to have a child and think that the Arizonas have their hands full already and that relieving them of one of their newborns would not only be justified but also what God would want. Thus, H.I breaks into the Arizonas house, kidnaps one of the quintuplets (he thinks it's Nathan Jr.), and returns to his wife who's happier than a clam to finally have a child. Nathan Arizona, the owner of Arizona's largest unpainted furntiture warehouse, puts up a $25,000 reward to whoever can return his baby to him and H.I and Ed struggle in figuring out what to do now that they're in hot water and in hiding. Throw in another two ex-cons, the Snoats brothers (John Goodman and William Forsythe), a scary bounty hunter, and a rather incompetent police force and Raising Arizona becomes a crazy ride through the American southwest. 

Whoa, now.

Now, I'm a huge fan of the Coen Brothers and have seen all of their films multiple times. Raising Arizona, one of their first, is also one of their best movies. While most comedies taper out towards the end, Raising Arizona is constant with the laughs and ridiculous situations. When you think it can't get any better (or funnier), the film raises the bar another level and outdoes itself. The film is full of a cast of caricatures and exaggerated scenarios and any realism goes out the door almost immediately to a grand effect. Raising Arizona blends a pitch-perfect script with an absolute perfect cast and turns the comedy into something worth talking about 20 years later. 

They wouldn't have those Oscars without Arizona. 

As you can tell, I would highly recommend Raising Arizona. I had not seen the film for a couple of years before today and after re-watching I can only reaffirm my love for it. The Coen Brothers are two of the most unique filmmakers working today and while they have expanded their style to some extent, a lot of what is in each of their more recent movies has some connection to Raising Arizona. The film also helped jump-start the careers of Cage and Hunter, who have both gone onto follow their own paths quite successfully and also is the first time the Brothers worked with John Goodman, and you can now see the wondrous places that relationship has gone. 

The Good:

a script so crazy, yet so full of heart (in it's own little way) that turns unlikable people into great sympathetic characters

The Better:

a terrific cast that includes Cage, Hunter, Goodman, and more

The Cage:

perfect and over-the-top...  well before the crazy

Overall: 9.5/10

or

Four and a half Cages out of Five

Trailer: