Aug 13: Snake Eyes

"A shady police detective finds himself in the middle of a murder conspiracy at an important boxing match in an Atlantic City casino."

Directed by: Brian De Palma, Rated: R, 98 minutes

What the f**k did I just watch? Snake Eyes is a bizarre little mystery flick that jumps from bizarre and over-the-top to stupid and boring. The film uses the somewhat familiar technique of telling the same story from different perspectives as the audience pieces together the puzzle along with Cage. However, the use of this technique is moot right off the bat as only 30 minutes or so into the film, we know "who dun it". The pieces that we should be putting together are already there, just haphazardly thrown together.

Cage and Lt. Dan can't even pull this shit together.

Snake Eyes follows Rick Santoro (Cage), an almost dirty cop who's too sleazy to like and too arrogant to sympathize with. He's attending a huge boxing match at an Atlantic City casino. During the bout, a sniper takes aim at the secretary of defense, who just happens to be in attendance. Chaos ensues and the crowd goes crazy, ruining the "crime scene". Santoro takes it open himself to play lead investigator and he questions the key players of the night's events, trying to unravel the mystery behind the assassination attempt. What follows is a re-telling of each person's story of the night, told in flashbacks in the perspective of that particular "player". As I mentioned, this technique turns the movie stale rather quickly, but the actual camerawork is pretty interesting to watch. A large portion of the film is in first person or told through news cameras and blends a semi "found-footage" style with the feel of a video game. 

Awesome thought: Call of Duty: Cage Ops

Cage is all over the place in Snake Eyes. As the film starts, he's over-the-top and seemingly crazy, practically coked out like the madman we know him to be. However, after the bullets fly, he immediately turns into some kind of legit badge man and the Santoro character we first meet is pretty much abandoned. It's as though the screenwriters wanted to added a little flair to Cage before he became a stoic, regular guy kind of hero but in doing so, just created a bigger mess of a film. It's a shame, because the crazy Cage is the kind of Cage I look forward to. When you tame the beast and put him in a cage (oh yeah, I went there), you tend to get a pretty shitty movie. Filmmakers need to know and recognize this fact and simply let Cage fly free with all his crazy hair styles and facial tics. Let the man do what he does.

 The wings are coming in nicely. 

Snake Eyes is not worth a watch nor my recommendation. Skip it, forget it, and move onto something else. While the film is certainly not the lowest point of Cage's career, it's down in the lower half as it never becomes much of anything. Any suspense is almost immediately taken out of the film when we discover who's behind a large part of it and turns something that could have been a decent mystery into a predictable piece of crap. It's also worth mentioning that the movie's conclusion is absolutely ridiculous and completely unnecessary and turns the tables on a movie that already has been running around with its head chopped off for 90 minutes. 

The Good:

some camerawork that's quite impressive but then also reminds you that the first person perspective can suck for the most part

The Bad:

a script so piss poor and so messy that never comes together in the end and lacks any and all direction

The Cage:

crazy, then muted... such a shame

Overall: 4.0/10

or

Two Cages out of Five

Trailer:

Jan 22: Mr. Popper's Penguins

"The life of a businessman begins to change after he inherits six penguins, and as he transforms his apartment into a winter wonderland, his professional side starts to unravel."

   Mr. Popper's Penguins is exactly like the other "family" films that are churned out each and every year. The film follows a man who doesn't want to be in the position he is in, but manages to make the best of it and learn a lot along the way. Crazy antics ensue which include nut shots, fart jokes, pooping, and the over cliched divorced dad who seeks to regain the love of his kids. Oh, and I forgot to mention that he's a businessman who just focuses a little too much on his work, and not enough on his family. All of this happens, of course, in New York City...around Christmas. Sound familiar? (see Santa Clause, Elf, etc.)

Tis the season for cheesy family films..

   Even though Mr. Popper's Penguins is insanely predictable and nothing special, I did find myself laughing at a couple of scenes. Penguins, no matter what setting they are in, will always be entertaining and this time around is, unexpectedly, no different. Sure, at times, their CGI-ness is laughable but a lot of the stuff that they do is worth a chuckle. Just like the same flightless birds in Madagascar, the penguins are the only saving grace. In fact, I would have totally sat down and watched the penguins play for 90 minutes then have to sit through the boring story and unoriginal jokes. It actually gets worse as the film goes on. There is a scene, I kid you not, where Jim Carrey holds the penguins over a toilet, and squeezes the poop out of them. 

The toilet refused to comment.

   Overall, Mr. Popper's Penguins proves to be the same old run-of-the-mill family flick you see once a year. The only exciting things it brings to the table are the penguins and, although entertaining for a large part of the film, the too frequent pooping or running into things grows very frustrating. Sure, I know the film was made for kids and you may wonder why I even bother watching it, but that does not justify the stupid toilet humor. Jim Carrey really needs to get his act together and produce some quality work again. One takeaway I have for this film is my now stronger desire to own and raise a penguin. I prefer to not have to go through a messy divorce and lose the respect of my kids in order to get one. 

Sight: They did, in fact, use real penguins for certain scenes, however the CGI used for a large portion of the film adds to the cheese factor. 

Sound: I may want a penguin of my own, but their ridiculous honking, is rather annoying. From a soundtrack aspect, the film's score is just as unoriginal as the plot, sounding just like every other family movie.

Skill: Jim Carrey shows off his physical comedy on multiple instances, but the fact he signed on for the role is just discouraging. Also, kid actors suck... always.

Script: Whoever decided to write in all of the toilet humor needs to be fired. Let that then be a lesson to every screenwriter out there who thinks that kind of shit (no pun intended) is funny. 

Overall: 4.1/10

Best Quote: 

"Yeahbsolutely" nothing worth mentioning.