July 11: Project X

"3 high school seniors throw a birthday party to make a name for themselves. As the night progresses, things spiral out of control as word of the party spreads."

Directed by: Nima Nourizadeh, Rated: R, 88 minutes

Project X is an X-rated American Eagle music video. There's no point to it, the music's too loud, and you hate everyone on screen. However, the music videos looping at the clothing store have a point. To push ridiculously expensive clothes and shitty music onto the bodies and minds of America's youth. Project X, however, has no point. It's a voyeuristic look at a party gone wild that has absolutely no basis in reality. It's almost as though MTV hired a bunch of teenagers to hang out on a closed lot, pumped them full of alcohol and drugs, and simply filmed what happens like a National Geographic nature program. Even then, Animal Planet and what not usually has some sort of narrative, be it the story of a particular animal or a simple voice-over explaining what's going on. Project X does not. It's also worth mentioning that the film is another one of those damn "found footage" movies and is filmed completely on handheld cameras and cellphones. 

"Screw IMAX and 3D, smart phones are the future of cinema." said no one. Ever. 

Project X's "story" follows three seniors, Thomas, Costa, and J.B as they throw the world's most ridiculous party, all in hopes that they will all get laid. Yes, three teenagers wreck havoc on a neighborhood block, all because they want to have relations with their female classmates. I guess that's hormones for you. That really is the only bit of story in the film and everything that's on screen is simply the destruction and partying that ensues, all edited together like a Girls Gone Wild commercial you see at three in the morning. There really is very little substance to anything that's going on and the three main characters fade into the background for the majority of the film. When there's not a montage of sex, alcohol, and debauchery, the main cast is completely missing. I wouldn't call them "real" actors, but it's almost as though the main cast was hidden away, while all the horny extras rubbed against each other, dancing to an annoying soundtrack and drinking fake beer. 

No exact total has been determined, but it's estimated that nearly 6,000 red solo cups lost their lives during the filming of Project X. 

As a comedy, Project X fails completely. I maybe laughed once or twice, and each chuckle was at the two youngest actors who played the security team for the party. While the film really lacks any sense of realism, these two characters are certainly the most outrageous, breaking into houses and tazing the neighbor that comes to "shut the party down". As for the main cast, Thomas, played by Thomas Mann, reminds me a lot of a young Justin Long. Oliver Cooper, who plays Costa, the most outspoken guy of the group, is more annoying than anything else. His attempt to channel the cocky Jewish guy from Queens falls completely flat and just hearing his voice is incredibly annoying. It's hard to think about Project X without comparing it to a somewhat similar Superbad. However, neither Mann nor Cooper come close to Michael Cera or Jonah Hill, and they completely lack any supporting third similar to McLovin.

Even then, I don't even think the 31 year old Hawaiian organ donor could save the movie. 

Project X is a complete waste of time and I am really surprised it received a wide theatrical release. It's no surprise that the film is executive produced by Todd Phillips, the man behind The Hangover films. While that franchise is spiraling downward, simply because of a lack of a straight story and a complete focus on the shock-and-turn-on factors, Project X follows suit. I can't say I was hoping that this movie would be better than it is, but I am still very surprised as to how bad the film turned out to be. The only thing I left with, is that if high school is like what is depicted in this film, I either missed out on all of it completely or went to the wrong school. Ah, f**k it, I hate teenagers.


The Good:
quoting Jimmy Kimmel, "more teenage boobs than an R. Kelly birthday party"
The Bad:
a complete lack of story and substance that makes a raunchy comedy without any humor or any heart
The Ugly:
everything else... it's just so bad

Overall: 2.0/10

Trailer:

Re-watch? Hell No

Buy? F**k no