May 3: Shark Night

"A weekend at a lake house in the Louisiana Gulf turns into a nightmare for seven vacationers as they are subjected to shark attacks."

Shark Night is bat-shit crazy "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ridiculous. The plot  follows a bunch of twenty somethings going to a cabin on a lake (surprise) and being terrorized by a bunch of sharks and crazy locals. One would think that you'd just avoid the water after the first shark attack. However, every possible thing that could go wrong, does, and one by one they are all picked off by poorly rendered animated sharks and bayou hillbillies with a rather odd taste in entertainment. 

And it's PG-13, so this it all you get.

Yes, the PG-13 rating hurts the movie severely. Whenever you sit down and watch something like Shark Night you accept a couple of things. Stupid plot, bad acting, "adult" language and situations, naked ladies, and a lot of blood and gore. When you handicap something that is already made to be campy and bad, it just gets worse. Shark Night should have embraced what it is and given us what Piranha 3D did (a little Christopher Lloyd always helps). Directed by David R. Ellis (The Final Destination, Snakes on a Plane, Homeward Bound 2), you'd think Shark Night would be a glorious pile of shit, but instead it's a messy diaper full of everything terrible in the world. 

A diaper shark is actually more entertaining. 

There really isn't anything that would justify me recommending this. It's just bad. Donal Logue, who plays the town's sheriff, works hard for a couple of laughs, but other than that, Shark Night is not worth your time. The plot is nearly nonexistent and is only forced forward by stupid decisions and "accidents". Even the seemingly coolest part of the movie, the sharks, look stupid. The special effects team seems like they didn't even try and the gimmicky 3D that would pop out at you is just as ridiculous. Skip this movie. Don't even watch even if it's free on TV, it's that bad.

The Bad:

horrible story with equally horrible everything else

The Ugly:

special effects that belong in a SyFy movie

The Awful:

realizing that there will never be anything shark-related that will ever come close to the awesomeness of Jaws

Overall: 1.5/10

Trailer: