April 26: Gulliver's Travels

"Travel writer Lemuel Gulliver takes an assignment in Bermuda, but ends up on the island of Liliput, where he towers over its tiny citizens."

   Gulliver's Travels a is stupid movie. It's boring, unimaginative, ridiculous and completely lacking in humor. It's shocking to see the talent of Jack Black, Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Billy Connolly, Chris O'Dowd and Amanda Peet in such a piece of shit film. You'd think with a cast like that, the film would be at least somewhat enjoyable. It's not. At all. It has the cliches of every horrible kid's movie (nut shots and butt jokes) and even ends with a completely out of place dance number to a song no child would even know. Gulliver's Travels is a prime example of how "family" films are one of the greatest downfalls of the movie world and what some actors will do for money. 

Similar to how some people with money do things to be an "actress"

     I won't even take long explaining the plot. Jack Black is given a boat, travels to the Bermuda Triangle, gets shipwrecked, discovers he is in a land of tiny people, and becomes their hero. There's also a subplot love story between Segel and Blunt that seemingly only exists to give an already shallow story more substance. That's really all that happens. The rest is shitty special effects and stale humor. The only remotely decent thing about the film is Chris O'Dowd (Bridesmaids), who plays the villain with an "I-Know-This-Is-Bad-But-Let's-Have-Fun-With-It" attitude. 

Just a lot of people looking up with, I'd assume, a lot of sore necks

  Skip Gulliver's Travels and leave it completely alone. I only watched it because it was on TV, I was bored, and I figured something mindless would be easier to watch and review. I really would like my 85 minutes back as well as the respect I lost for the amazing Jason Segel and the gorgeous Emily Blunt. Here's hoping that they are a billion times better in The Five-Year Engagement together (if not, at least we get more Alison Brie). 

The Bad:

talented people in a shitty, horrible mess

The Ugly:

a dance number you think you'd only see in musicals or animated movies with talking animals

The Awful:

the ENTIRE movie

Overall: 1.2/10

Trailer: