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The Cinematic Katzenjammer: April 21: The Darkest Hour

Saturday

April 21: The Darkest Hour

"In Moscow, five young people lead the charge against an alien race who have attacked Earth via our power supply."


   I absolutely love apocaflicks (yes, I just coined that term). 28 Days Later, Children of Men, and Dawn of the Dead being some of my favorite movies, I have a strange fascination with the end of the world. Be it with aliens in War of the Worlds, zombies in 28 Days Later, a virus in Outbreak, or simply mankind itself in The Road, seeing how it all ends is disturbing, emotional, and really entertaining. The Darkest Hour is another one of these movies but I am very sad to say it is nowhere near worthy of being put on the same list as the previously mentioned films. First advertised as an almost 28 Days Later with aliens in Russia, The Darkest Hour was immediately on my radar. Right before it was released in theaters I learned it would not be screened for critics, which is always a horrible sign for the quality of a movie. Then more reviews came in, nearly all terrible, so I decided to wait until the DVD release to watch it. I am very glad I waited but very disappointed I actually watched it. It's that bad.


When a movie has a cat covered in Christmas lights to warn you of the presence of aliens, it's time to move on.

   The Darkest Hour's story is kind of cool? Aliens come to earth seeking our natural resources (minerals, metals, etc) that they use for food. They are invisible, or something, because of electro-magnetic fields or what not. That part's poorly explained and everyone accepts the scientific jumbo as though it's a widely known fact. The aliens have attacked the entire planet and in Moscow, a group of twenty somethings find themselves at the front line of the "war" and fight to survive. The aliens, who look like fiery Neopets (when they're actually visible), zap humans and living things, turning them to an ashy mess. The survivors find out that a submarine is in the Moscow River and realize it's their only chance of getting out of the city. They band up with a group of militant Russian soldiers and make their way across the city. 


See the Neopet? The little critter belongs to Satan. 


   The most confusing part of The Darkest Hour is the cast. Emile Hirsch, who was amazing in Into the Wild and then completely dropped off the radar (blame Speed Racer), plays the main character, Sean. Why Hirsch agreed to the role, I have no idea. Trying to survive along with him is Olivia Thirbly, another young up-and-comer who is much more talented than the movies she picks. I was hoping that the two of them would save the movie for me and make it the least bit watchable, but I was wrong. The characters they play, along with the rest of the cast, are so underdeveloped and stupid that you could give a rat's ass about them. Oh, someone dies? Who was that? Oh yeah, him. Meh. 
The "hot" chick from Down Under is so annoying, she'll actually make you hate the Australian accent.

   The Darkest Hour is a mess. With more holes in its plot than a block of Swiss cheese riddled with bullets (who shoots cheese?), it completely fails to entertain the audience. Sure, it has decent special effects and it's nice to see annoying characters die, but when you're supposed to root for mankind, you should at least be allowed to cheer for likable, well-developed characters. The dialogue is piss-poor and so many lines uttered by these one demensional "heroes" are so bad. Luckily, the entire piece of poo is only 89 minutes long. Here's hoping they don't make a sequel. Yes, the film alludes to one...


The Bad:
horrible dialogue from forgettable characters
The Ugly:
seeing Emile Hirsch in a role he should never have even considered accepting
The Awful:
actually thinking this film could have been amazing, when it is so far from that


Overall: 2.1/10


Trailer:


Official Website Here

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2 Comments:

At April 26, 2012 at 10:18 AM , Blogger Link's A Lefty said...

I thought about watching this movie once, and then all of the sudden I woke up screaming. My wife calmed me down and asked what was wrong. I said that I almost made the worst decision of my life.

 
At April 26, 2012 at 10:56 AM , Blogger Nick said...

This movie made me never want to visit Russia just because I'd be fearful of running into the crew making it's sequel.

 

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