Aug 9: Mirror Mirror

"An evil queen steals control of a kingdom and an exiled princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win back her birthright."

Directed by: Tarsem Singh, Rated: PG, 106 minutes

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, what's one of the worst movies of the year, so far? Yep, you guessed it. It's Mirror Mirror. The film is a travesty on nearly all fronts, never knowing whether or not to tailor its appeal towards little kids or grown-ups. And with a conclusion featuring a rather creepy looking beast, you're left wondering how meant for kids the movie should be. Sure, it has some advantages, as the movie looks great, with elaborate sets and even more elaborate costumes, but there's only so much pretty little things can do for a film with a horrible story and mediocre acting. It's also worth mentioning that Julia Roberts is a complete bitch and while most people would think that would be ideal when playing the evil queen, she's nothing more than a brat in a big dress. 

Eat, Pray, Love my ASS, Mizzz Roberts. 

Everyone knows the story of Snow White. However, in a Hollywood that's constantly trying to recycle the same ideas and change them just the slightest in order to sell them off as "original", Mirror Mirror fails to be anything special. Snow White (Lily Collins) has an evil step mother, who happens to be the queen (Roberts), and for some reason or another, the queen cannot stand Snow. She tries to kill her by sending her out into the woods to be eaten by a beast but the Queen's servant, Brighton (Nathan Lane), decides to fake Snow's death as he has a soft spot for the young woman. Snow is found by seven little thieves (the dwarfs, get it?) and she teams up with them to take down the evil queen, who's completely milking the kingdom for every dollar it has in order to live a grand life she so desires. Throw a prince in the mix (played by Armie "Batman" Hammer), who earns the affection of both the queen and Snow, and makes for a rather awkward love triangle.

And a wild Sean Bean appears!

Director Tarsem Singh continues to impress visually, but the man needs to know that there needs to be more substance along with the special effects to make a movie good. The man has proven he can make great films, with The Cell and The Fall, but once he hit mainstream with Immortals, something clearly went wrong. Mirror Mirror does have terrific costumes that steal the show, but even then some of them are too over-the-top to fit in with the rest of the film. It's certainly obvious that the largest part of Mirror Mirror's budget went to making the film look good, and one can't help but wonder how better the film could be if more cash went into the script. Aside from its flaws, Lily Collins does the best she can with what she's given, and is very reminiscent of a young Jennifer Connelley in Labyrinth (but much better at acting). 

I'm going to go out and say it's because of the eye brows. 

Mirror Mirror is not worth the time. It's too messy and too stupid to be called anything worthwhile and somehow manages to take a fairy tale we're all familiar with and make it boring and childish. The seven dwarfs steal the show as the little bandits and a film following the mini thieves would have certainly been a wiser decision. However, the majority of the screen time is dedicated to Snow White and even more to the queen, two characters we don't really care enough about to watch over and over. Skip Mirror Mirror. Once upon a time, fairy tales were magical and exciting. With this film, it falls short from any happily ever after and shows all signs of lazy storytelling and boring characters. 

The Good:

the seven dwarfs and elaborate costumes

The Bad:

a piss-poor script with childish humor with stupid characters and unnecessary "fluff"

The Ugly:

Julia Roberts as the evil queen who can't decide if shes American or British and is more bitch than villain 

Overall: 3.4/10

Trailer: