July 2: Wrath of the Titans

"Perseus braves the treacherous underworld to rescue his father, Zeus, captured by his son, Ares, and brother Hades who unleash the ancient Titans upon the world."

Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman, Rated: PG-13, 99 minutes

As I mentioned in my Immortals review (see it here), I cannot understand why Greek mythology has not been able to make a better transition to film. I certainly do not blame the myths themselves, because they are some of the greatest stories ever told. The fault, however, is with the filmmakers and writers, thinking they need to chop up, mix together, and rehash the stories of old for a "modern" day. Clash of the Titans failed miserably in 2010, and now Wrath of the Titans follows in 2012. When will anyone learn that an epic story does a lot more for a movie than a bunch of special effects? It would also help to cast an actual actor in the read role and not some shitty Australian who got lucky with Avatar and now has to be in every big action franchise. Sam Worthington cannot act, people. He's more wooden and stale than a bag of old sawdust and has just as much charisma. 

He has absolutely not one f**king idea as to what is going on. 

Wrath of the Titans takes place ten years after the events in Clash of the Titans and we see the half-god Perseus (Worthington) trying to live a peaceful life as a fisherman with his son, Helius. When his father, Zeus (Liam Neeson) is captured by Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Ares (Edgar Ramirez), Perseus must travel through the underworld and release his father from the prison, Tartarus. Hades, who is completely out of character in doing so, wants to release his father, Kronos from the prison, and he plans on using Zeus' power to do so. Thus ensues a race against time as Perseus, Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), and his cousin and son of Poseidon, Agenor (Toby Kebbell who's awesome as always) travel through hell itself to save his father and I guess, mankind. Now, I am not an expert when it comes to Greek Mythology, but know there is plenty wrong with the story in the film. Nothing that happens in Wrath of the Titans happens in mythology, and the movie is essentially a grab bag of creatures and gods thrown into a melting pot and left to simmer. It borrows from all sorts of myths and it really just has its pretty little way with whatever it wants. 

Yes, I am saying Wrath of the Titans rapes Greek mythology. And there are no amount of showers to wash away that guilt. 

So, as you can assume, my biggest fault with Wrath of the Titans is the plot. It's a "divine" jumble of this and that. One would think that if you took whatever parts of whatever myths you'd like to tell a story, something awesome would come out of it. However, there is so much chaos, inconsistencies, and ridiculous happenings in the plot to make any of it worthwhile. It really is an insult to Greek mythology and even story-telling as a whole. These stories are well known and ancient for a reason and even f**king with them the slightest is a big no-no. It also doesn't help that the story holds hands with a terrible script of dialogue. Sure, Clash of the Titans didn't have much of a script either, but it did have the now "classic" line, "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!". Wrath of the Titans has none of that, only melodramatic whispers, ridiculous shouting, and far from clever quips and jokes. Even the two best actors in the film (and arguably two of the best alive), Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, fall victim to the terrible script. Moving on, one of the only things I like about the film is the special effects and creature designs. Even then however, the legendary monsters Perseus and co. encounter are merely swept under the rug as mere pests as opposed to the beasts of legend they really are. For instance, the Minotaur, an incredibly important character in the myth of Theseus (not Perseus), is on the screen for about a minute before it's dispatched to the underworld. There is no reverence towards any of these creatures and I feel the filmmakers made it a game to see how many they could fit in one movie, with no qualms about the actual histories. 

Even the badass Chimera is treated like a little dragon bringing nuisance to a small fishing village. 

Wrath of the Titans is a terrible movie. I somewhat enjoyed Clash of the Titans, but this sequel just disgraces too much myth to forgive it and does it in the worst way possible. It's all spectacle and no substance. I would recommend skipping it with every bit of energy you have and that the only thought of the film that comes into your mind is the ones you have as you read this. Zeus himself would feel ashamed having his name attached to this piece of shit and one could only hope that the filmmakers receive a lighting bolt to the noggin for their involvement. Hell, maybe then it will "spark" some creativity in their minds and they can move past Wrath of the Titans and onto at least the slightest bit of mediocrity. But please not onto Rumble of the Titans. 

The Bad:

Sam Worthington- the awful Aussie actor who cannot carry a movie in the slightest and whose presence alone foreshadows terrible storytelling

The Worse:

What do you know? Terrible storytelling that falls apart before it even begins, never following any one myth but blending them all into one chaotic mess

The Worst:

insulting Greek mythology and acting as though each myth was a little pitch to a movie studio that could easily be dismissed (and ripped off of) and not a legend to be held in respect

Clash of the Titans (for reference): 5.2/10

Wrath of the Titans: 3.5/10

Trailer: