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The Cinematic Katzenjammer: June 20: Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

Wednesday

June 20: Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

"Two guys get a billion dollars to make a movie, only to watch their dream run off course. In order to make the money back, they then attempt to revitalize a failing shopping mall."

Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie is an absolute joke. The joke isn't the "comedy" itself but the fact that something this disgusting actually made it to the big screen. Based off the Adult Swim TV show, Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Billion Dollar Movie follows the two stars Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim as they try to earn a billion dollars that they owe some big time movie producers. The duo find themselves in debt after they blow one billion dollars on a three minute movie starring a Johnny Depp look-alike. They then turn to a wolf-infested abandoned mall as their source of paying back their debt. Yes, these two weirdos decide that the best way to earn a billion dollars is to take ownership over a dilapidated mall that is more of a slum than it is a shopping center. 

Naturally, they bathe and shave each other beforehand. 

Now, I have seen their TV show a couple of times and found what I did see to be oddly entertaining. However, I could only watch the f**ked up-ness for five or ten minutes without feeling very dirty and growing increasingly stupid. Thus, I really have no idea why I thought I could handle 93 minutes of them in a single sitting. After viewing Billion Dollar Movie, I can say that I am much less intelligent than I was this morning  and that I have witnessed things one man should be able to go an entire lifetime without seeing. I honestly feel ashamed for actually sitting through the full film and really wish I just turned it off after the first 5 minutes (that's decent, as Tim & Eric are nowhere present and the film is introduced by Jeff Goldblum as Chef Goldblum). 

The Man of the Golden Bloom makes everything better.

I plead to any of you reading to skip Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie. It's utter trash that has no reason to exist, let alone being viewed. It's f**ked up as hell and leaves you not only with a bad taste in your mouth and mind, but the feeling as though your very thoughts and imagination were brutally raped by an orgy of ugly people. I am pissed off that these two shlubs were actually given the ability to make their own movie and pray to God this is the one and only time they are given the chance. Billion Dollar Movie needs to be launched into space, aimed at the sun, never to be witnessed by another human being again. However, the downfall to that aspect would be that if any aliens were to come across it on it's journey to oblivion, one can only assume they would turn their ships towards earth and wipe the planet of our existence simply for the stupidity of these two men. 

The movie does not even deserve a rating as it would mean it can be judged on the same scale as everything else I have watched. 

Trailer (Good God!):


F**k you, Shrim. 

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2 Comments:

At July 7, 2012 at 3:38 AM , Blogger Ryan McNeely said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hated this. I was going to another movie at the same cinema an hour later, but I had to go home and shower first. There are not enough words to describe how dirty I felt at the end of this horrible film.
Awesome Review, Great Job!

 
At July 7, 2012 at 11:31 PM , Blogger Nick said...

The end to your comment made me chuckle more than the movie did.

I'm sorry you actually saw it in theaters... I would have walked out and casually burn the place down, so more power to you.

 

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